Mom Never Told Me How To Date Angels
by WriKai
Summary: Happiness doesn't last long in the Hunter world, it's not supposed to. You live, you die, you try your damnedest to do some good along the way. I've just got to hope Cas and I can be the exception to the rule. Part 3 of Cas/Kylie (OC) series, highly suggest reading the first two first (Believing in the Impossible & Learning to Survive Again). R&R is always appreciated!
1. I Have An Angelic Boyfriend

**Hey, WriKai here! Hope you all are excited for the new installment. Thank you guys so much for voting in the polls, it really helps me to know what you guys want to see as well.**

 **Special thanks to ThePrettyRecklessRock for submitting a part of the idea for this chapter and beta'ing it to get an opinion. If any of you guys ever have any ideas I'd love to hear them, and I'll probably have you beta it as well if I use it.**

 **Thank you all in general for your continued support!**

 **I do not own SPN, nor any of the characters and crap within that domain. However, I still own Kylie.**

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We didn't leave the Bunker for three days. We were so happy together, it was as if the weight and pressures and stress and everything that was outside the Bunker simply… Didn't exist.

Not that I didn't try to help Cas in his angel quest, I did. I made at least one solid, determined effort.

We were sitting on the couch, day one, just talking and laughing about anything and everything under the sun, something we continued to do for the other two days, and I started to get up.

"Where are you going?" Castiel asked at my movement.

"We still have work to do." I reminded him, turning to look over at the angel. "I'm just going to get some books, see what I can pull from the lore or something to try and help you."

I felt his arms snake around my stomach maybe a second later. "Cas!" The word came out almost like a squeak as he pulled me backwards, back on the couch and pressed up against him.

"I do believe," he began, pulling me somehow even closer to him. I took a sharp intake of breath, not certain as to what else I should be thinking of besides looking in to Castiel's eyes.

Had I been trying to get up?

For the life of me, I couldn't remember what my reasoning had been.

"That it can wait for at least another hour." He finished, punctuating his sentence with a kiss that made sure I wouldn't feel any reason to get up for at least another hour, if not longer.

More than likely longer.

It definitely ended up being more than an hour, and the next time I tried to get up, it was to make food.

And after those three days, the things that urged Cas and I to leave the Bunker had three words attached to them.

Three words that saw nothing wrong with walking in and giving a surprised, confused, and laughing exclamation, while Castiel and I were in the middle of what I will proudly and unashamedly call a very, very, VERY heavenly make-out session.

Sam and Dean.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Dean's response was first, a small laugh added to it. I jumped off and away from Castiel quickly, and both of us separated to opposite ends of the couch just in time to see Sam covering his eyes with one arm, the other out in a stop motion.

"Am I clear?" He asked, mouth tilted towards Dean. The elder hunter was too busy laughing his ass off, and when I glanced over at Cas I couldn't be too surprised. He looked like an embarrassed child caught stealing from what could be considered a very naughty cookie jar. Red face, looking down, hands in front of him, slightly constipated face… The whole nine.

Screw it.

I waited until Dean told Sam he was clear before I moved. Back over to Castiel, quickly, to give him a very lengthy (and hopefully quite impressionable) kiss, and waited until I heard Sam's disgusted and pissed response alongside Dean's mixture of "eww" and laughing before I pulled away.

Castiel just stared at me like a deer stuck in the headlights. "Wha….. What…." He wasn't certain what to say. I just smiled at him, giving him a small kiss on the cheek.

"QUIT DOING THAT!" Sam begged.

"Come on, guys," Dean agreed. "You're scaring and mentally scarring the poor teenage boy." I looked to see him turn to Sam. "How old are you? Five? Six?"

"Shut up." Sam muttered. I turned back to Cas.

"Come on," I stood up, pulling him with me. "I think it's time they knew."

"Did they have to interrupt?" I heard the angel mutter, but he followed and stood beside me, the both of us holding hands.

"Sam, Dean," I started, leveling my voice. "Cas and I are dating."

"Yeah, obviously." Dean said sarcastically.

"So how long did it take?" Sam asked, his tone changing from being severely grossed out in to a slightly less grossed out version of curiosity.

"Since when?"

"Since you came back and showed up at the Bunker." Sam clarified, shooting a look at Dean.

I recognized that look.

That was the "I won" look.

"Four months." I answered, watching the brothers closely. Dean looked almost… Annoyed for a second, whereas Sam looked elated.

"Who, who," Dean stuck out a finger towards the two of us, motioning back and forth. "Who said it first?"

I pointed at Castiel, and he raised his hand slowly. "I may have… Said it louder than necessary." He explained. "But I am still glad I said it." I smiled up at him, looping his arm around me in a way that it fell over my shoulders, but we were still holding hands.

"I think I'm going to barf." Sam muttered.

"Wait, wait, wait," Dean held up his hands, thinking. "So, you said it first," he pointed at Cas.

"Correct." He said with a nod.

"And it happened after four months?" Dean asked me. I nodded, and he threw up his hands. "So who wins the bet?" He asked Sam.

"What bet?" Cas asked, his voice holding a hint of a growl to it.

Ah, there it was. That deer in the headlights look on Sam and Dean that just screamed the word "busted."

"They made a bet as to who would cave first," I explained to Cas. "And how long."

"You knew about it?" All three asked me. I shrugged.

"Kevin told me who bet on who, but he didn't tell me any times." I answered. "Sam bet on me for I'm betting four months, and Dean bet on you for…." I thought for a moment. "I want to say seven months?"

"It was eight." He corrected before realizing it wasn't helping them.

"My bad, eight months." I amended, turning back to Cas. "And they bet twenty bucks on it."

"Alright, so who wins?" Sam asked me, gaining my attention momentarily. I thought about it, and turned to see Castiel staring at me with a smile.

"We do." He answered. I smiled back, getting on my toes to give him another small kiss on the cheek.

"Ew, seriously come ON guys." Dean complained.

"Hey," Castiel's voice was gruff, sharp, and demanding. The shift surprised us all, earning him startled looks. He glanced over at me before facing the Winchesters. "She's my girlfriend." He stated. "And I love her. If she wants to bestow a kiss on my cheek, or if I wish to 'make out'" he even did the air quotes around the words, oh my god. "With her, in the Bunker or outside of it, I really do not believe either of you have room to complain as to the matter."

"Says who?" Sam asked, laughing while he crossed his arms. I scrunched my face for a second, thinking.

"Dead girlfriends," I pointed at Sam first. "And…. Long string of one night stands." I pointed at Dean next. Sam and Dean's faces blanched, remembering that.

"Cas has a dead one-night stand." Dean pointed out.

"She tried to kill him." I said, shrugging slightly. "I don't think it counts." Castiel looked visibly relieved at my response. I squeezed his hand lightly, and he squeezed back. "So, we cool?" I asked Sam and Dean. "Blessings and whatnot all good?"

"Yeah, yeah." They both said, tripping over their words. I don't think they really knew how to deal with this situation.

By God it was the best form of payback for their interruption.


	2. Cordziz Hoath

We left a few days after the brothers came back due to Cas hearing about an angel funeral. The angel in question had apparently been close to Metatron, and he had been hoping she'd be a link in the chain to get to Metatron. Since she was dead, now he just hoped someone else could help in getting to the last angel in heaven. When he'd told me about it, I asked if he wanted me to come to it or stay. I could understand him asking me to stay, he obviously knew the angel and felt awful about her death, whereas I hadn't known her.

But instead, he pulled me close. "Please come with me." He requested quietly. I nodded, and packed a set of clothes for the funeral alongside normal hunting clothes and my FBI suit. I brought a black jacket, with decently wide sleeves for me to hide my blades up just in case. It was in Wichita, and wasn't far away, so we left quietly that morning.

We got there in the afternoon, and blended within the back of the crowd quietly. Castiel was watching someone in the crowd, though, someone on the other side in the back that hadn't noticed us.

When he moved to leave, Castiel pulled my arm slightly to indicate it was time to move.

Cas cut him off and pulled him roughly behind a headstone while I stood watch and listened to the conversation.

I heard the other angel ask a weird question, though; after saying that Bartholomew had killed Rebecca. "Where's your human?"

"My human?" Castiel asked, confused.

"Right here." I muttered, peeking my head around the stone. "Why do you care?"

The other angel looked over at me for a second before staring at Castiel, almost with a look of worry. "Be careful, Castiel." He warned him. "Bartholomew will do anything to get to angels not under his command. Very few in general will… _approve_ ," he glanced over at me for a second. "Of your consorting."

"Are we going to have a problem with it?" Castiel asked, his voice steely.

"Rebecca taught us to live among humans and accept them." He answered. "I would not dishonor her memory by casting those teachings aside."

Cas nodded once towards the angel, and he left without another word. I moved around to face Castiel on the same side of the headstone. "What was that about?" I asked, keeping my voice level.

"Don't…" he thought about his answer as we both began to walk back to the car. "Don't worry about it." He said after a few moments, not looking me in the eyes.

"Cas," I was about to argue when he put a hand out, stopping me and moving me slightly behind him. I looked up, focusing in front of me, and saw two people in suits.

Then I saw the angel blades.

Shit.

"Where did your friend go in such a hurry?" One of them asked. I tensed, prepared to flick my wrists in an instant.

"You're too late. He's gone." He responded, pushing me behind him more. I didn't say a word, I could sense it was a bad idea.

"Castiel?" The first angel said his name like a sinister question. He looked over at me, then, smiling. I really didn't like his smile. "And Kylie, I presume. So the rumors are true." He turned back to Castiel.

"Our boss has been looking for you." The second angel said. "For both of you." I flicked my wrist, prepared for a fight, and felt two fingers on the back of my head.

Damn angel knockout Spock thing.

When I woke up, though, I was sitting next to Cas in a waiting room, on a… A couch? A black couch?

Seriously?

Cas had an arm around me, and adjusted it once I sat up. "Sorry." I whispered.

"Don't apologize." He whispered back. I felt something odd in my sleeves, and realized that my blades were gone.

I'll say this again, SERIOUSLY?

"How much longer?" Castiel asked. I looked up and saw the same angels from earlier standing in the room with us.

"You have someplace to be," the angel asked in response. " _Cordziz Hoath_?"

I watched Cas visibly cringe at the words for a second. "Cas, what does that mean?" I whispered. He didn't get a chance to respond, though. The doors opened, and out strode what I assumed to be another angel that seemed way too confident.

He walked to the blonde angel in front of us, the one that had been speaking, and held out a hand. "Their blades." He requested. I watched as the angel pulled out three separate angel blades, and placed them in the other angel's palm. The boss angel that I guess was Bartholomew, he examined the blades for a moment before pocketing them and turning to face us. "Standard security protocol. Can't be too careful these days." He said, his face like stone.

"Hello Bartholomew." Castiel said, his expression just as stony as the other angel's. Bartholomew smiled, a smile that held no emotion, and moved closer.

"Castiel." He said the name happily, but it was empty happiness. I watched as he hugged my boyfriend, clapping him on the back. Cas hugged him back after a moment, and the second his arms were away from me blonde angel grabbed my arms and pulled me away.

"Hey!" I tried to pull away, but he had an iron grip. More struggling led to the feel of cold metal against my neck. Castiel tried to pull away, Bart kept a tight grip on him, waiting for Cas to embrace him once more.

When Bartholomew pulled away, Castiel's arms fell limp to his sides. He glanced over at me, and for the first time… I think I saw fear in his eyes. "It has been too long." Bartholomew commented.

He took a seat on the couch, motioning for Cas to sit down as well. They talked, Bart acting as though they were old friends, old war battle buddies. Castiel's voice held caution, and he glanced at me from time to time as he continued to converse with Bartholomew.

"Interrupt their conversation," the blonde angel whispered to me. "And I'll gladly help return Castiel from consorting with such… dirty apes like you." I fought the urge to pull away from him, for doing that would cause me to cut my own throat.

When Castiel and Bartholomew moved to walk about the area, Blondie and I followed, the grip on my arms or knife at my neck never leaving. When Castiel asked if he and Bartholomew were friends, I snorted quietly as Bartholomew's answer of yes. When Cas asked if we were free to leave, I stilled for a moment at his response.

"Of course you are." He answered, taking a glance over at me. I didn't miss the lack of inclusion on my part. Bart focused back on Castiel and kept talking. He wanted to kill every angel in his way. A drop of blood to save a gallon my ass. More like a gallon of blood to preserve the drop he hand-picked.

And he wanted Castiel to be in on it.

I watched him torture the man we'd talked to earlier, and watched as he offered Castiel an angel blade to kill him.

Castiel glanced over at me once before refusing, and Bartholomew saw it. He sighed, commenting on how he was sorry to hear Castiel's refusal, before killing the other angel.

"NO!" I screamed, and heard Castiel's shout of it with me. The blade against my throat came a little closer, and I could feel it just on the edge of nicking the skin.

"I told you," the blonde angel hissed. "NOT to interrupt."

"Cool it." Bartholomew ordered. "If she's going to be a distraction to the great Castiel," he turned to look at me. "Then maybe we should turn her in to incentive."

Castiel's eyes widened behind him, and I struggled to pull my arms away as Bartholomew came closer. "As your refusal makes perfectly clear, you always thought you were better than me." He said to Castiel, turning to face him as he cupped my chin. "Shall we put your superiority to the test once and for all?"

"Let her go, Bartholomew." He said. "She has no part in this."

"No part?" He laughed. "You've been keeping an eye on her since you two came here, keeping her within arm's reach whenever possible!" He turned to look at me, shaking his head. "What's so special about you, human?" He asked. "What makes you so important, so much more than returning his own kind to heaven? What about you," he twisted my face from side to side. "Made him want to take on the… disgusting status of a _Cordziz Hoath_?"

"Get bent." I muttered, spitting in his face. He wiped it off with his sleeve, and glared for a moment. He turned to look back at Castiel once.

"Really? Her?" He asked. He didn't even look at me, didn't give any sort of signal or tell of what he was about to do.

He punched Castiel in the face, twice. "STOP!" I shouted, and felt the blade just barely draw blood.

Damn, did it burn.

"No." Castiel argued, refusing to throw a punch. "Angels fighting angels has to stop somewhere." He glanced over at me, and I saw determination in his eyes. "Might as well stop with me."

I smiled at him, understanding. He didn't want to act like Bartholomew, become like Bartholomew.

I trusted him.

"Fine." Bartholomew spat the word out. He just turned quickly, and buried his fist in my stomach. I doubled over in pain, feeling the knife cut in to my neck even more as I fought to bring my arms around and wrap them around my midsection. He drew one of the angel blades, and for a moment I thought I was done for.

But he turned back around to Castiel and lunged. Cas caught his arm, and the angel holding me stopped to go help Bartholomew. I wrapped my arms around my stomach for a moment, crumpling to the ground as Bartholomew ordered his men to stand down.

Then Cas looped his arm around, and in one swift move had Bartholomew in a headlock, holding the angel blade to his neck. Nobody was focused on me.

I looked around, and saw one of the angel blades had fallen out of Bartholomew's suit. I grabbed it quietly, and watched Castiel let the angel go. "What are you now? A penitent?" Bartholomew asked him.

"I'm nothing." He answered, moving past Bartholomew to come and help me up.

He didn't see the angel blade in my hand.

He didn't see Bartholomew coming down on him with a second angel blade.

I moved, faster than I thought, and stabbed Bartholomew in the stomach with the angel blade I'd picked up. "Castiel may show mercy," I muttered to him, watching him die. "But I won't."

The angels let us pass after that. Nobody muttered anything about a _Cordziz Hoath,_ whatever that was. Nobody moved to stop us. Nobody did anything, just watched us go. Castiel kept an arm around me the entire time, and handed me the other angel blade that Bartholomew had held. "These ones were yours." He muttered, taking the one I'd used and wiping it clean.

We walked all the way back to the graveyard in silence, where Rebecca had been buried, and stood in front of her headstone for a while. "I'm sorry." I finally whispered. "I know you didn't want to kill him, and I know you wanted the violence to end. I just didn't want him to kill you."

"If you had not intervened," Castiel answered. "Then I would not be here, and there is a very good chance you would not be either."

"What do they mean, when they call you a _Cordziz Hoath_?" I asked. "It almost sounds… derogatory."

"It's enochian." Castiel answered. "It means 'Human Lover.' When an angel is referred to as a… _Cordziz Hoath_ ," he sighed. "It means that they are to be looked down upon, to be scorned, for they have forsaken that of their mission, have chosen to turn against the company of their own kind, in favor of that of a human." He stared in to my eyes, making sure I understand. "It means that I have chosen to be with a human, to date you," he stated. "Instead of another angel."

"Oh." I thought about that, letting the implications settle. "By being with me, there's a bigger target on your back than normal, isn't there?"

He didn't answer, choosing instead to place an arm around my shoulders and gaze once more at the grave of Rebecca's vessel. He was deep in thought, and I could see him trying to plan out the next several steps.

All I could wonder about was whether or not I was worth Castiel being an outcast to his own kind.

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 **Hey, WriKai here! BEFORE anybody asks, I ran the words "Human Lover" through a few different English-to-Enochian translators until I found the most common translation that I liked.**


	3. Kevin The Friendly Ghost

We got a call on our way back to the Bunker. More specifically, _I_ got a call.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hey, I've got a person here that needs to talk to you." Dean's voice, quick and gruff. I didn't even get a chance to reply before the phone was passed off to someone else.

"Is this…" The voice on the other end was hesitant, unfamiliar and… Very female. Like, adult female. "Is this Kylie?"

"Depends on who's asking." Castiel glanced over at me from the driver's seat, worry clouding his face.

"My name is Linda Tran." I sat up straighter at that. I knew who Linda Tran was. "I was told that you were… A good friend of Kevin's."

"Yeah. Yeah, I was."

"I would like to meet you." She stated, very firmly and clearly. "Are you on your way to the… Bunker?"

"Yes ma'am."

"I'll meet you there." She sounded like she was about to hang up. "And Kylie?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"I know what you did for my son." She answered. "How you protected him, how you were willing to do anything to keep him alive and well. So thank you for doing that while I couldn't."

"It was my honor." I answered. "Kevin is… _was_ , my best friend."

"That's good to hear." She said. Then she hung up, and I slumped back in my seat, letting the phone fall in to my lap.

"Are you alright?" Castiel asked. I nodded blankly.

"That was… That was Kevin's mom." I explained. "They found her. They really found her."

"Will she be at the Bunker?"

"Yeah."

"Good." Castiel thought for a moment. "Before we came to Wichita, you offered me privacy for the funeral if it was something I wanted to attend alone." He started. "I still would not change my answer, I am glad you were with me, but not as to what happened," I still saw Bartholomew's surprised face in the back of my mind. Castiel took a deep breath, finding the right words. "You offered me an opportunity for privacy if I needed it, and I was grateful that you offered because it showed you cared. I would like to offer you that same privacy." He stated. "I understand if you feel the need to talk to Mrs. Tran alone, and would not hold it against you. Is that what you wish?"

I thought about his offer, and shook my head. "I don't think I can talk to her alone." I answered, still staring straight ahead. "She thanked me, Cas. She thanked me for protecting her son, and he still died while I was there. She thanked me for doing a half-ass job."

"Maybe to her," Castiel chose his words carefully. "It was not a… half-ass job, but rather a full-ass one?" I smirked a little at his response.

"I don't think that's how you say that, Cas." I told him, turning to look at him. He glanced over at me, a small smile dancing on his face.

"Maybe not," he agreed. "But it made you smile for a moment, didn't it?"

I smiled a small smile for him, just for him, because he tried. Today had been a hard day. Maybe a smile was a good thing to have.

We were quiet the rest of the way to the Bunker, me trying to figure out what I was going to say to Kevin's mom, and Castiel giving me time to think it through. But when we got there, I could see Dean's impala already outside.

Kevin's mom was already inside. With Sam. And Dean. And all of Kevin's things nobody had had the heart to move out of his room.

"Cas," I sat in the car, and turned to face him. I was about to say something, about to say that I didn't think I could do this, when he kissed me. It was short, much too short, but sweet all the same.

"I'll be there for you." He promised, cupping a hand to my face. "I promise."

"Thank you." I whispered. We got out of the car and entered the Bunker hand in hand. If we hadn't, I'm not certain that I could've walked in myself.

"Can I just say," I stopped at the top of the stairs, my blood going cold at the voice. "FINALLY!"

No.

Absolutely no freaking way.

No way in whatever layer of Earth you could think of.

But as I looked over the stairs, I saw Kevin freaking Tran, standing in the middle of the room next to a woman I assumed to be his mom.

"Kevin?" I asked. He nodded, smiling up at me.

"Who else?"

I sprinted, then. Sprinted down the stairs, almost falling in my excitement. Kevin was back. Kevin had been brought back.

Kevin was alive, and had the opportunity to spend time with his mom.

Kevin was ALIVE!

I ran to hug him, not even hearing everybody telling me to stop, telling me it was a bad idea.

I ran right through him in to the table, the edge of it ram-rodding in to where I'd been punched by Bartholomew.

I turned around slowly, seeing Sam and Dean's saddened expressions first before I saw those of Kevin, his mom, and Castiel.

I locked eyes with Kevin, unsure of what to say. "You're…" I didn't want to say it. I refused to say the words.

"I'm still dead." Kevin said with a nod. "On the bright side, I think I look better than Casper." He gave a small laugh, but I just stared at him, unable to laugh myself.

Kevin was a ghost. A freaking ghost.

"I…." I took a deep breath. You are not going to cry, Kylie. You are absolutely NOT going to cry. Not in front of everyone. "I'm sorry." I said, my voice small and full of regret.

"No, no, no, absolutely NOT you too." He said, shaking his head. "I already had to hear one pity party from Dean, I don't want to hear another one from you. You have nothing to apologize for." His voice was firm, firmer than I'd heard it in a long time. "You were here for me when I needed you, as a friend, and that's more than I could've ever asked for. You were here to help me and do whatever you could. You were here, period," he smiled a small smile at me. "You did everything you could, and that's not something to apologize for."

"We'll… be right back." I heard Sam say from behind me. I turned and saw him and Dean walking in to another room, giving me privacy with Kevin and his mom. I looked back, hoping Castiel was still there, and he was sitting at the bottom of the stairs.

He was still being there, but giving me enough space so that he wouldn't be intrusive.

God I love him.

"So," Kevin's mom said, gaining mine and Kevin's attention. "I'm so happy to finally meet you!"

And then she did the one thing I needed most.

She gave me this big hug, like the kind moms give when they know you're upset and trying not to show it. The kind that says it's ok, that everything was going to be ok, and that I wasn't alone.

That was when I couldn't take it anymore.

That was when I started to cry, quietly, just letting the tears fall as I embraced her back. There isn't a lot in this world that's better than a mom hug, and I don't think there was anything else at that moment that could've made me feel better. I just…

I just missed getting mom hugs. And I'd missed Kevin. I'd missed a lot of things.

But none of that mattered for a moment while she cried quietly with me, whispering a small thank you to me. None of that mattered at all.

We talked for a while, all of us. Kevin stood while we sat at the B.A.M.T., and eventually brought Cas in to the conversation as he gave his side of Castiel's shouting confession.

We talked, and cried, and laughed, and talked and cried and laughed some more, until it was finally time for them to go. Heaven was closed for business, so he was staying as a ghost to protect his mom while he could.

When they left, I cried some more, this time melting in to Castiel's embrace. Mrs. Tran had given me her cell phone number, telling me to call "If I ever needed a mom to talk to."

When I'd thanked her, she said it was nothing. "You were… _are_ , family to Kevin, as much as you could be." She'd said. "Kevin is my son, and he considered you family. So I'm going to consider you my daughter now," she had started to cry again at this point. "And I want you to call me mom instead of Mrs. Tran, you understand?" I laughed, the both of us did. "I'm serious!"

And then they'd left, and I was crying with Castiel, who didn't say anything because there were no words to be said. He just let me be… Emotional me; something I needed to be for a minute.

He just let me cry myself out until I didn't feel hollow, but felt as though I would be fine now that I'd just let it all out.

And I would be fine. I knew I would.


	4. Date Night, Part 1

Cas and I decided to leave the Bunker again a few days later. He'd found us a case, something about a ghost at a restaurant in Denver. I asked if Cas wanted to tackle a ghost instead of angel work, and he shrugged.

"It's good to help others." He told me.

"Alright, fair enough." I went to start packing. "What's our cover? FBI investigation or are they hiring or what?"

"Actually," Cas stopped me from putting my suit in the duffel. "Most of the attacks have been on customers while they were there. I was thinking maybe we go in as customers ourselves."

I stopped then, turning to look at him. "Seriously?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Dean and Sam suggested it to be the best course of action."

"Alright, then." I shrugged, going back to the closet. I trusted Sam and Dean's opinion. "Are they coming with?"

"No. Dean and Sam are still working to locate Abbadon."

"So what kind of clothes do I want, then?"

"Dean and Sam suggested attire that would be considered comfortable semi-formal wear, like a nice shirt and slacks or jeans for me and whatever you thought would be best."

"So, what, like date wear?" I asked, rifling through my closet.

"If that is what you wish to call it, then yes." Castiel agreed behind me. There was something in his voice though that I couldn't quite place… Like he knew something, something somewhat funny, but wasn't going to tell me.

Then it hit me.

It was _exactly_ like date wear.

 _100% exactly_ like first date wear.

"When are we leaving?" I asked, not turning around. I pretended to keep rifling through my clothes, instead.

"We have a reservation set up for seven, and the area is about six hours away, so I was thinking to leave at around noon." I glanced at my clock. It was almost nine….

I had time. I had plenty of time.

"I think I'm going to need to make a short shopping trip." I told him, continuing my ruse of rifling through clothes. "Do you think Sam or Dean would mind taking me?"

"I don't believe so." Castiel said, his voice coming across as confused. I turned around, covering a smirk as best as I could, and saw he was much closer to me than before.

Much, much, much closer.

"I…" I took a minute to steady my breathing. Damn him. "I think I need to go ask Sam or Dean if they would mind taking me shopping." The words came out slowly, like I had to think for a moment before each one.

"What are you up to?" Castiel asked, seeing the mirth in my eyes. I just smiled sweetly at him, coming up on my toes to get even closer, just close enough to whisper in his ear.

"Nothing you're not already scheming about." I whispered, my voice darker than I thought. I almost sounded…. No, there was no almost about it. I sounded downright sinful; take-me-to-church-jesus-because-I-am-a-very-naughty-girl sinful.

 _DAMN_ I'm good!

Castiel didn't bother trying to hide the fire in his eyes. Before I could make my move to leave, he gripped my face tightly in both hands and pulled me in for a searing kiss.

I almost punched myself when I pulled away, slowly, damn near teasingly. "I should go talk with Sam and Dean." I whispered, not bothering to hide my smirk this time.

I almost had to run to make it to the main room. When I did make it, though, Sam was sitting at the B.A.M.T., working on his laptop. "Hey," I said, getting his attention.

"What's up?"

"I need a favor."

"And I need a beer." Dean said, walking in. He happened to have one in his hand as he sat down across from Sam, and took a sip. "But now that I have one, what's up?"

"I need to go shopping." I explained. I saw them both blanche automatically. "Not for girl stuff," I assured them quickly. "I need date clothes."

"You figured it out, didn't you?" Dean asked. I nodded. "I told you he should've just said it outright." He said to Sam. Sam ignored him.

"I'll take you." He offered, standing up. Dean stood up quickly beside him.

"Hell no. I want to do it!"

"You guys want to go shopping?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. Both of them ignored me, arguing with each other.

"I called it first." Sam stated.

"It's my car."

"You took Charlie!"

"You got to save us instead!" Both of them glared at each other, the way brothers glare, before Dean put his hands out in front of them. One of them was flat, palm up, and the other was in a fist resting on his open palm.

"Really?" I asked, watching Sam roll his eyes before copying the stance. "You guys are going to do Rock, Paper, Scissors over a _SHOPPING TRIP?"_

They both studiously ignored me again, intent on their way of making decisions.

Sam won ten seconds later, laughing at Dean's glum face. "Alright, Kylie, let's go." He waved me to follow him, and I walked by Dean, who for all intents and purposes looked like a five-year-old who just got told that his brother ate the last cookie.

"Really?" I asked him again.

"Shut up." He muttered. I smiled, and followed Sam happily to the Impala.


	5. Date Night, Part 2

"So," Sam started, talking to me through the door. I was changing in to an idea, just a simple dress. Dark purple, cute V neck, maybe two-inch wide straps, went down to my knees. It wasn't fancy or shiny or anything special, but I thought it looked nice. I walked out to show Sam, and he nodded. "How are things?"

"You're going to need to elaborate." I responded, taking a look in the mirror. I thought I looked good, but was it too much? Would Cas think it was cute? "What do you think?"

"I think you look fine, just like you did in the last five outfits." He answered. "I mean how are things going with you and Cas and the life and… Everything, I guess." I thought about it, looking at the dress again.

Maybe it was too much.

"It's going as good as it can." I answered. "I… I love Cas, you know? I don't think I could… I don't think I could be happier than when I'm with him." I felt shy admitting the words, but at the same time they felt right. I took another look at the dress again.

It was probably too much. I didn't look that good in it after all. Frustrated, I turned to Sam.

"I don't know what to wear." I said, my voice very defeated. Sam looked like a mixture of amused and exasperated.

"You realize that you could show up in your pajamas, and Castiel still would think you're the most attractive person in the room, right?" He asked. I rolled my eyes.

"You're funny." I told him, turning back to the changing room. I'd had a skirt and nice button up shirt in there, but I wasn't certain about that one either. I hated florals, but Cas had told me about how he'd liked the bees and… I don't know. I reached.

"I'm serious!" He called back to me. I changed quickly, examining my options.

"So am I!" I responded. What about the nice tank and slacks?

"Kylie," Sam's voice sounded like it had a question, now. I threw on a shirt and pants quickly, grabbing them without thinking.

"Yes?" I asked, poking my head out.

"Have you…" He thought about it. "Have you ever been on a date before?"

"I, ahm…" I sheepishly rubbed my hand behind my neck. "No."

"Aren't you an adult?"

"Yeah."

"And you've never been on a date before?" He asked incredulously.

"I've just…" I shook my head, coming out to see what I'd thrown on. "I've just never had occasion to, OK?" I asked, not meeting his eyes.

"So you've never gone out?" He asked. I nodded, examining the look. The shirt was cute, nice and flowy without taking away from my waistline. But the jeans… Cas deserved nicer than jeans. I had five pairs of jeans. I didn't need one more.

"Never kissed anyone besides Cas?"

"Not really."

"Never…" His pause made me spin to face him.

"Never _what_?" I dared, matching his gaze.

"Never… You know." He motioned like he was trying to give me an imaginary box.

"Are you really asking me that?" I asked him. "I mean, I expected Dean to, but _you_?"

"I just want to make sure you aren't doing anything you're not comfortable doing." He answered, raising his hands in submission.

"Look, I have, alright? Once." I found steel in my voice.

"Seriously?"

"It wasn't something I was proud of doing." I threw my hands in the air, turning back to the dressing room. I could've sworn I had a simple black skirt in there. Not the floral one again. GOD not the floral.

"Oh." Sam thought for a second, and I could feel him wanting to ask further.

"When you're homeless, things happen, OK?" I said, changing in to the skirt. It was flowy, with enough fabric to swirl out if I twirled. I walked out and looked at myself in the mirror. Definitely looked better. Nice looking, definitely. Nothing too flashy or showy.

Was it too plain.

"What do you think?" I asked, changing the subject. I really didn't want to dwell on the past.

"I still think you look fine." He answered. "Kylie, did… Did something happen?"

"No." I answered, understanding what he meant. "It was consensual. I just regret it. Now can we please just talk about anything else?"

"Fine." Sam threw his hands up. I put my own on my hips, facing him. "Ok, out of what I've worn, what do you think is the best?"

"We've been here for an hour. I think you look fine." He said.

"Will Cas like it?" I asked.

"Again, pajamas and you'd still be freaking Aphrodite to him." I thought for a moment, raising a finger in the air. "No idea if she's real, but I'd bet yes." He answered. I put my hand down, thinking about that.

"Better not compare me to her, then." I said, remembering Greek myths. He thought about it for a few minutes, then nodded in agreement. I turned, taking another look at the outfit.

I liked it. It was the first one I'd looked at for over a minute without chickening out on it and deciding that I didn't look good enough.

"Relax," Sam said, standing up. "You really do look fine."

"Really?" I asked, meeting his gaze through the mirror.

"Definitely." He said, and for a moment it felt like I had a big brother. A big brother helping out his little sister before a date.

I gave him a hug, quickly. "Thank you." I muttered before pulling away. "I'm going to change and we'll get this and everything will be good, right?" And in truth, I was honestly asking that; asking if everything would be alright, if Cas and I and our relationship would be alright, if my choice was alright, if everything was alright.

"It'll all be fine." Sam said, patting my shoulder comfortingly. I smiled up at him.

"Thank you."

"Now, hurry. It's ten-thirty now, and I know you'll want to do hair and makeup and stuff." I smacked my forehead at that.

"I forgot all about that!" I admitted. Sam just laughed.

"It's alright." He assured me. "Dean and I already had a plan."

"Plan?" I asked. He nodded.

"Since you figured out Castiel's idea," he explained as we bought the clothes. "We wanted to give you an opportunity to get ready and do all the… girl side of date things."

"Like?"

"Cas is out with Dean at a different place right now, also shopping for something not FBI suit like. They won't be back until probably eleven forty-five. Cas will be on time," he said quickly. "But he's getting coaching from Dean's end."

"Alright." I nodded in agreement as we walked out to the car. "Hey, Sam," I had a nagging suspicion hit me suddenly.

"Yeah?"

"Why were you asking about my… dating experiences?" I asked.

"Cas booked a hotel room." He admitted after a few moments. "He didn't want either of you to drive back tired, and I think he was looking for a just you two kind of night, without me or Dean."

" **Oh**." I imagined the ramifications of that quickly. He hadn't even gone out on a date with April.

"I don't think he expects that." Sam said quickly. "I just… I wanted to make sure you were going to be ok, and that you were better prepared."

"We… We _just_ started dating." I said. Sam nodded.

"I know, I know. I just wanted to make sure you knew." He said. "It'll be entirely up to you. Cas… he understands, now. He's been around you, around people, enough now that I think he'll get it more. But I didn't want you to freak out when you got there and learned later that you wouldn't be arriving until morning."

"OK." I said, getting in to the Impala. We drove back to the Bunker in silence. I could tell Sam was worried he had said the wrong thing, and now he didn't know what else to say.

I was too busy freaking out _right now_ to tell him it was alright.

WAY too busy freaking out.

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 **Hey guys, WriKai here. Just out of curiosity, do you guys want to see the Dean/Cas side of this? Leave a review with your response and if you have any specific ideas or requests that you think would go good with the Dean/Cas side (assuming it gets put up here), message them to me! Thanks!**


	6. Date Night, Part Cas

I was still in her room when I heard her drive off with Sam.

She _knew_. She had to know.

"Damn." I muttered. So much for surprising her.

And that voice she had had… I had barely been able to pay attention to what was said. It had been…. Very enticing.

"You're an angel." I spoke to myself. "Stop that."

But at the same time, I hadn't always been an angel. I had spent time as a human. I had gained a concept of free will and what that did to, well, anything and everything in creation.

My free will didn't want to let her leave the room, leave the Bunker, to go on a _shopping trip_ of all things with Sam Winchester. I would've much preferred her to have stayed in her room, with me, all day. Reservations be damned.

"HEY CAS!" I heard Dean's voice shout for me from the main room, and I shut my… _impure_ thoughts away quickly as I went to join him.

"Yes?"

"We're going out." He said, already standing. "Get your keys."

"Where are we going?"

"Well, since Kylie's smarter than you gave her credit for, although trying to pass a date off as a Hunt probably wasn't the smoothest choice of moves you could've made," he explained, acquiring his coat. "And since there's no way in hell I'm going to just continually have you borrow nice clothes from Sam and I every time you and Kylie go out for stuff like this, we're going shopping too."

"I am certain I have the appropriate attire for this evening." I argued. Dean sighed, walking past me towards the room I had in case I needed it. I followed quietly, and watched as he opened what was, apparently, my closet.

There was nothing in it. It was absolutely bare.

"You got rid of your homeless clothes and Gas n' Sip uniform, didn't you?" Dean asked, staring in to the empty space.

"Of course. I didn't need them anymore."

"Of course you didn't." Dean muttered, closing the closet doors. "Yep, we're going out. You're not going on a date in the same clothes that you never seem to actually take off."

"What's wrong with what I am wearing?" I asked, looking down at myself. Kylie had never seemed to have a problem with the clothing I wore.

"You wear it every day!" Dean answered, beginning to sound exasperated. "Look, you booked at a nice restaurant, right?"

"Yes."

"And you booked a room for the night too, right?"

"Yes."

"Do you think that maybe Kylie is expecting you to be expecting something?" Dean asked. I thought about that for a moment, confused.

"What do you…" Oh. Oh. **OH**. " _Oh_."

"There it is." Dean said, nodding. "Not saying that was your intention, but she might think that."

"Do you think she'll…" I wasn't certain how to ask that. "We just started dating recently, and I don't…"

"Yeah, yeah, you had the single guy experiences. Now you're in a relationship." Dean explained. "She might think that's what you were expecting, or might expect it herself."

"Do you really think she will?" I asked. Dean shrugged.

"Probably not, but it's smart to be prepared." Dean answered. I thought about that.

"Alright." I agreed. Dean has had more experience in humanity and… dating, than I have. He would have good advice. "What do I need to have to… be prepared?" I asked. Dean dragged his hands down his face.

"Yeah, come on, we're going out." He said, walking out of my room and towards the door to my car. I tried to argue that I did still have plans with Kylie later that I did not want to be late for, but Dean brushed my concerns aside. "I'll have you back before noon, Cinderella, don't worry."

"Dean," I kept trying to argue, but Dean had acquired my keys and was walking out the door. "Stubborn, pig-headed Winchesters." I muttered, trailing after him. It appeared as though I was going to go outside with Dean whether I wanted to or not.

So we first went to a clothing store, where Dean helped me pick out a new button-down shirt that was a pale blue color ("Chicks dig this, don't worry." Dean had assured me.) alongside a nice black jacket and a new pair of dress pants.

"What is wrong with the ones I am wearing?" I asked, looking for any difference. There were three less stitches in the ones I was wearing compared to the ones Dean had me get, but that seemed to be it.

"Nothing, but do you _really_ want to wear the same pair of pants again?" Dean asked.

"I see no discernable difference in wear and comfort." Dean just sighed at my response.

"Call it an early Christmas present, alright? Come on, let's get these and go." I began to follow Dean to the check-out counter when he stopped me, placing a hand on my chest. "Cas, you have to change **out** of the clothes you want to buy, remember?"

"My apologies." I said, quickly turning to the changing room. I could not hear clearly what Dean muttered behind me, but I knew it was not something complementary.

Afterwards, we stopped at a place I did not expect to go by – a drug store. "What are we doing here?" I asked, peering at the place through the front window.

"We're giving Kylie enough time to get ready, because it will only take you about ten minutes." Dean answered, my car already turned off and him starting to exit.

"So why not wait outside the Bunker?"

"You really don't want to be late, do you?"

"It is already eleven." I pointed out. I had to be back in an hour. It only took maybe six to get to Denver, but Dean suggested giving an hour of leeway time for acquiring gas, Kylie needing to use the restroom, traffic, and parking. If that was the case, I wanted to be punctual.

"You'll be fine." Dean assured me. "It takes maybe ten minutes to get back."

"Ten when you drive." I muttered. Dean scowled at my acknowledgement of his speeding habits.

"Come on. We still have shopping to do." He urged, walking in to the store. I followed once more, allowing curiosity to get the better of me.

I should not have been surprised when Dean went straight for the aisle containing condoms. "Dean," I started, keeping my voice quiet. "I do not see a reason to purchase new… items for your exploits."

Dean laughed. "These aren't for me, buddy." He said. I stilled, fearing his next words. "You remember with April, how I asked if you had protection?" He picked up a box, wiggling it in front of me. "This is what I meant, Casanova. These magic things right here," he glanced appreciatively at the box. "Prevent eighteen years of paying a hell of a lot of money for a snot nosed kid you made."

"I am familiar with human procreation." I reminded him. Dean just chuckled and tossed me the box. I caught it awkwardly, and held it in one hand far away from me.

"Good. Then it's smart for you to be prepared, just in case." He answered, still smiling. I glared at him. "What, you're the one who booked a room. You're the one with a girlfriend. I'm just trying to keep kids out of the Bunker."

I moved my glare from Dean to the box, but did not put it back. Would Kylie really expect…. That?

Could I be sure that she would or would not?

I huffed, grabbing a small basket to throw the box in. "Cas, that was all I had planned. You don't need a basket for just one thing." Dean pointed out.

"I know." I answered, looking around. I saw what I was searching for a few moments later, and threw five plastic-wrapped rectangular cases in to the basket, along with a few packages of snacks that Kylie would enjoy.

"You realize you guys **are** going to dinner, right?" Dean asked. I ignored him, adding a bottle of her favorite soda.

"Call it a back-up plan." I answered. Dean thought about it for a moment before nodding in agreeance, and he helped me pay a few moments later.

No matter what Kylie wanted to happen, I was going to ensure that she enjoyed our night out.


	7. Calling Mrs--- I Mean Mom

**Hey, WriKai here! So sorry that I'm not updating as frequently as I normally do! I just got a new job with lengthy morning hours, so I won't really be able to post until nighttime. So sorry if this inconveniences anyone, but this is the only time I've got to publish! Thank you all for bearing with me, though!**

 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

When I got back to the Bunker with Sam, I damn near sprinted to my room so I could change and start getting ready. I was so thankful I already had makeup bought for the FBI and undercover necessities, but as for hair…

I had plastic hair bands, normal hair ties, a comb, and maybe ten bobbypins. My normal hairdo was a ponytail or a braid, _MAYBE_ a braid folded under so that nothing could really grab it.

"Shit. Shit. Shit." I muttered, actually _LOOKING_ at my hair. It was… Damn it was almost eleven. I had an _HOUR_ to get ready. An HOUR, and my hair looked like it needed a shower and did I even have TIME for a shower?

" _ **SHIT**_!" I shouted. If I had thought I'd been freaking out in the car, it was worse now. This was my literal first date, like EVER, with a goddamn angel of the lord, and I had an HOUR to get ready!

"You ok?!" Sam's voice came from down the hall, uncertain and full of promise to help.

"Yeah, I'm fine!" I shouted back, trying to calm down.

"Freaking out?"

" **YES**!"

"Anything I can do?"

"Can you do hair?"

"Not really!"

"Then not really!" I looked at the clock again. I'd just wasted five minutes in that conversation, DAMMIT!

"Screw it, I'm taking a shower." I decided, running to turn on the hot water. Screw it, screw it, screw it.

One short shower later (wasting another five valuable minutes), and a hair drying session (three minutes, down the drain), I was feeling no more comfortable and no less stressed out. I threw on the clothes quickly, taking a few looks in the mirror.

There it was, the hatred of how I looked. _THERE_ was the crippling self-consciousness of my body image.

But I had no time to go back out and get new clothes, no time to rifle through and find anything decent besides what I was wearing now. I didn't like what I was wearing, but at this point, I just couldn't care.

So I ran to do my hair and makeup next. Makeup was the surprisingly easiest part. Simple eyeliner, little bit of extra concealer under the eyes to hide the bags, light mascara and lipstick, light blush.

I hated heavy makeup. Nothing against it, but I couldn't do it myself. I didn't bother with eyeshadow either. I just wasn't used to wearing it enough.

The hair was the worst part. I had absolutely no clue what to do, and only a half hour to figure it out.

"When are Cas and Dean getting back?" I shouted the question to Sam.

"Ten, maybe fifteen minutes!" He answered. I thought.

I could kill two or three minutes to look up a hairstyle quickly.

So I ran out in to the main room, grabbing my laptop quickly before running back out. I could hear Sam try to say something, but I rushed past him. "Too busy. Gotta look up a hairdo. Tell me later!" I told him as I ran back to my room.

He kept trying to stutter out something, but I still didn't listen. I got back to my room quickly enough, though, so that I could look up something.

I tried, and didn't like anything I found, so I grabbed my phone.

"Please answer." I muttered, dialing the number for Kevin's mom.

She answered on the third ring, bringing a huge sigh of relief from me. "Kylie?"

"Hey, Mrs…" I could almost hear her disapproving look at my saying that. "Sorry. Mom. Hi mom. I need help."

"What's wrong?" She sounded worried. I probably should've worded that better.

"Nothing, nothing, I just…" I took a deep breath. "I have a date tonight."

"With Castiel?" I heard a bit of static, following by cheering.

"HELL YEAH!"

Kevin.

Kevin had materialized at this, on her end.

"Good! Good! I'm so happy for you!" She sounded so happy and motherly and it really did make me feel better.

"Thank you, thank you." I said hurriedly, still searching for a hair style.

"What do you need, sweetie?" She urged. I sighed.

"I've never been on a date before," I started, unsure of how to continue. I heard Mrs. Tran's deep breath in before she continued.

"Did you ever have the talk with your mom?"

"Yes."

"Thank God." I laughed along with her. "What do you want to know?"

"I don't know how to do my own hair." I swear I could hear Kevin laughing in the background as his mom thought for a moment. "I'm looking up different ideas but I'm not finding one I like or that I can do within the next," I looked at my clock again. "Twenty-three minutes."

"Just relax, Kylie." She said, thinking. "What do you have for hair supplies?" I rattled off the list quickly, and replied no when she asked if I had a hair curler or straightener.

"Alright, I've got an idea." She said. "Put it back in a ponytail braid, but leave a front piece that can fall on both sides of your face a decent amount out of the ponytail and braid them separately."

I followed her instructions, wetting my hair afterwards like she said and using my hair dryer to dry the three separate braids. "Great. Now undo the braids, but leave the back ponytail up." She said.

I was amazed by the waviness in my hair that fell along the sides of my face, and turned my head to see the same effect on the ponytail in the back. "Thank you so much, mom." I whispered, really looking at myself.

I actually looked… Nice. Elegant. Cute. Pretty. Dateable.

"It's no problem." She replied, her voice sweet. "Now I do believe it's almost noon." I looked at the clock on my phone.

I had maybe ten minutes.

"Thank you so much." I thanked her again, and she laughed.

"Go get him, tiger!" I definitely heard Kevin's voice from the other end, followed by laughter.

"Enjoy your date, sweetheart." She said before hanging up. I smiled at myself in the mirror, enjoying the look.

I had a date tonight.

I actually had a date tonight.


	8. Date Night, Part 3

It was exactly 12:00 noon when I heard a polite knock on my door. I had thrown on my FBI heels that looked nice with the outfit, and put on maybe five layers of deodorant to make sure I didn't risk smelling bad.

I got up to open the door as elegantly and gracefully as possible… and almost tripped in doing so.

Castiel was standing there, though, hands behind his back. He'd been smiling, at first, but I watched his face drop as he took in the sight of me. "What, is there something in my teeth or is there a stain or," I started looking, trying to find the imperfection, when I felt a hand on my face pulling it upwards.

His lips crashed in to mine like an ocean wave on the beach, full of force and strength and absolute **want** – no, _need_ – to claim what was his.

When he pulled away, I felt absolutely breathless; like I could've melted on the spot. "You look perfect." Castiel said, his voice… strangely husky. "I… I was swept away by your beauty."

"Oh." I wasn't certain what else to say. Here Castiel stood, looking for all the world like the boy next door in his blue shirt and nice slacks and black jacket instead of the normal overcoat and hands behind his back… He just looked like what every girl would want for a first date guy showing up at their room; just like that perfect guy every girl dreams of once they hit teenage years.

And he had been swept away by me.

Plain, average, simple me.

"Are you ready to leave?" He asked. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. He smiled, then looked as though he had just remembered something.

"I almost forgot," he started, revealing his other hand. He pulled out a red rose, with all but one thorn trimmed off. "This is for you." He gave it to my quietly, almost with a slight jerk to his arm, and I took it with a smile.

"Thank you." I reached back, rose in my hand, and put it in my ponytail. "Does it look good?"

"You look like a visage from Heaven." He answered. I felt speechless from the compliment.

"Let's… Let's…" I took a minute to recompose myself. "Let's get going, before we end up late."

"Of course." Castiel agreed, offering me his arm. I looked at it in surprise. "Dean told me this was what gentlemen did."

I took his arm with a small smile. _Thank you, Dean_.

We walked out with a surprising lack of Winchesters in sight. "They are both in the kitchen." Cas explained, seeing me look around. "I requested they not be here as we leave."

I thought about his reasoning before nodding. Knowing them both, they wouldn't pass up the opportunity to throw a few jokes. "However, Sam did request that I tell you that he thought you looked wonderful." I waited for him to continue on to Dean's comments. "Dean said 'I haven't seen her, so take a damn picture at the restaurant.'"

"Do you want to see them before we go?" I offered. Cas shook his head quickly.

"Not a chance in hell." He muttered. I choked back a laugh. "Come on, let's get going."

So we got in the car, with Castiel opening the side door for me ("That one, I saw from watching other people."), and set off for Denver at exactly 12:13 in the afternoon.

I looked in the back seat and saw two shopping bags, both from a nearby drug store. Castiel saw me looking and quickly spoke up. "Those are for… Later tonight." He explained. "Don't worry about it."

I took another glance at them before looking forwards once more. I could see a distinct box shape inside one of them, a black box with a label that I could barely discern but definitely guess.

I didn't say a word, though. Instead I focused forwards, trying to avoid thinking about… The box in the back seat.

The box that definitely held condoms in it, more than likely.

Later tonight seemed like a very, very, very, very, _**VERY**_ terrifying prospect to me.


	9. Date Night, Part 4

It ended up taking a little over six hours to get to the restaurant, with plenty of time to go check in at the hotel beforehand. Castiel went up, grabbing the bags as he went. I followed him up, taking a second to look at the room as I went. We were in an actual hotel, not a motel, and a surprisingly nice one at that.

"Cas," I said slowly, looking around more. Castiel put the box somewhere, with the second bag going next to the TV and a few random things going in the fridge that I hadn't had a chance to look at. "Where did you get the money to pay for all this?" I remembered that we were going to dinner as well, and added up the costs in my head.

"The man who owns this hotel owes Sam and Dean a favor." He explained. "Ghosts in the building, bad for business."

"Ah." That made sense. "The ghosts are gone, right?"

"Of course."

"Great!" I was distracting myself. Definitely distracting myself.

This time it was Castiel's turn to take a look at the clock. "Let's get to dinner. I don't want to be late."

"Mind if I take a minute to touch up my makeup?" I asked. Cas nodded, and I disappeared in to the bathroom for a moment to fix my lipstick and eyeliner. Once I was out, Castiel offered me his arm once more. "Are we driving?" I asked. He shook his head.

"No. The restaurant is within walking distance, and it is a nice night outside." Cas glanced at me with a small smile. "As long is that is alright with you, of course."

"Yeah, a walk sounds nice." I nodded, adjusting my purse on my shoulder before taking his arm. It was a simple black purse, just big enough to hold my ID(s), cash, cards, and emergency silverware and salt packets.

Hell, I still had my angel blades hidden under my skirt, just in case of an emergency. I wasn't worried, though. I was… relaxed. Comfortable. Castiel made me feel calm, even amongst our lack of calm spots and normalcy.

I think he was the only person who did make me feel relaxed and comfortable and calm amongst the shit storm that could be considered our lives.

So we walked to the restaurant (that turned out to also be quite nice) arm in arm, smiling and making polite first date small talk that I'd never made before. How we were both doing, life before…. Well, just before. Castiel's life before Winchesters, my life before Meg, both of our lives in general before each other. Nothing heavy or bad, though. We avoided the angel war, avoided Metatron, avoided the _cordziz hoath_ issue, avoided Abbadon, avoided everything except just being two normal people, out on a date together.

Once we got to the restaurant, we were seated without a lot of wait time. Nice table, candle in the middle, the whole nine. We kept chatting away politely, and ordered our food, until the conversation turned a little more serious, thanks to me.

"So," I started, taking a sip of my water. "I've got to ask, why did you keep the paper?"

"Like I said, I still want that life," he explained. "I never gave up on it, I never really planned on doing so. I wanted to get back in to being a Hunter because I felt responsible for the fall of angels, and I did not wish to run away from it anymore." I thought about it, listening as he continued. "Being with you was like running to… running to something I wanted to hide in. I wanted to hide in a dream world with you, a perfect world with a… movie-style human life, I guess." He smiled off in to space for a minute. "I wanted to be human, and actually follow Metatron's advice."

"What advice was that?"

"He told me that he wanted me to… 'to live this new life to the fullest. Find a wife. Make babies.'" He still gazed off in to space, trying to recall the exact words. "And when I died, and my soul cam to Heaven, he wanted me to find him and tell him the story of my life. Then he sent me back to Earth, before the rest of the angels fell." He focused his gaze back on me. "I don't think I've quite done exactly what he wanted, but at the same time, I almost feel thankful."

"Thankful?"

"He brought you back." He explained. "And gave me the gift of humanity, so that I might learn it from you and, in turn, learn what it meant to fall in love."

I sat there for a minute, just letting those words sink in. Metatron took his grace, threw him and the whole lot of angels out of their homes, and he still found a bright side to it.

"What about you?" He asked. I cocked my head to the side slightly, confused. "You are the one who helped me with this plan. What hopes and reasoning did you have for it?"

"Well," I paused, thinking about this. "I liked the idea you brought up, first of all, about me showing you how to cook. It seemed really, I don't know, cute and domestic and something I would love doing. I like the little things, the details," I explained. "And it just seemed like a little detail moment that would just make everything come together, you know? Like, no matter how bad your day at work might've been or my day at work, it would still be fine because there would still be that little moment, that little light in the darkness or whatever, that was happy and full of laughter and fun and hopefully some semi-decent fried chicken." I laughed at my details within the detail. "Yeah, fried chicken strips on the stove, almost burnt but not enough so that they would taste bad, and in my mind you had somehow gotten the flour and spice and egg mixture as random splats on your shirt, and a small one on your cheek," it was my turn to stare off in to space now, trying to recall every bit of the second's snapshot. I could see Castiel smiling at the thought, laughing a little, but it was only an afterthought as I kept explaining.

"And the kitchen was small, it led directly in to the dining room with a little island to show the distinction instead of a wall, because it was that apartment, you know? One somewhere… Not in Kansas, I guess, no offense to the state. I just never thought of apartment life in Kansas. No Sam and Dean either, although I guess they could show up every so often for food and catching up and doing what friends do, but it was our place. Small, but cozy." I focused back on Castiel to see him staring at me, a small smile alight in his features.

"I like your imagining of that." He said. "I like it a lot."

"Thanks." I could see Castiel wanting to ask a question, but our food arrived a few moments later. We both thanked the waiter and ate silently, both of us still thinking. Had I blabbered on and said too much? Had Castiel really wanted to do what Metatron had offered/ordered, and just disappear in to a human life? Did he still want that?

Once our food was eaten, I excused myself to re-do my makeup once more. I couldn't believe how… Just how great and wonderful this evening was. I was legitimately enjoying myself, legitimately enjoying the evening. No drama. No monsters. No wars. No anything. It was so weird and odd, I wasn't certain if I was dreaming or not.

"Maybe I am dreaming." I decided. "Maybe this is all one big, huge dream that I'm about to wake up from, because it's all a trap."

God, I hoped it wasn't. _**GOD**_ I hoped it wasn't.

I walked out of the bathroom trying to shake off an uneasy feeling, one that wasn't quite going away like I wanted.


	10. Date Night, Interrupted

When I returned, we kept making polite small talk, enjoying talking to each other. Cas asked about how…. Ok, I'll be honest, something was bothering me enough so that I wasn't paying attention. I felt like… Like something was off.

Different.

Very, very, very wrong.

I looked down at my purse for a moment, trying to remember. What the hell was up? I was having fun a few moments ago, and now… Now it all just seemed like I was missing something, something huge.

Castiel kept talking though, as if nothing was wrong. "I still do not understand why one must lie to become president, but the whole ordeal in itself was quite humorous." He gave a small chuckle, and I thought back on what he'd been saying.

I laughed a little myself, trying to find my composure. I was just being paranoid. Just paranoid. It happens a lot in Hunter work, I bet.

"Hey, Cas," I interrupted, and saw a look of confusion on his face. "I'm sorry, don't worry, I just…" I could tell him. I could tell him anything, right? "Nevermind." I decided. "I'm just being weird; you know? Just as paranoid as when we were homeless."

"It's alright," Castiel leaned across the table slightly to grip my hands, hands I hadn't even noticed were twisting and fidgeting out in the open like that. "I understand if you're nervous."

"Nervous?" I asked, confused as to how he got there.

"Sam and Dean said you… May act odd." He said, his voice slightly disjointed. "As to what might occur… tonight."

"Ah." That's where he got it from.

"I know that… relationships are not exactly my area of experience." I stuffed back a small snort. He'd had more experience than I did. "And Sam told me that you had never been on a date before," oh my GOD!

"Traitor." I muttered, and the action felt strangely familiar. Cas only offered a small smile before continuing.

"If you're nervous, about anything, I am more than willing to… talk about it with you."

"Cas, I," the waiter interrupted me with the check, and Castiel paid it quickly. The rest of the night just seemed to… go in a bit of a blur until we got to the hotel room. Something was still bothering me, but I couldn't quite pin it down. Castiel was doing his best to ease my "nervousness," but it felt like more than that.

There was something I just wasn't noticing like I was supposed to.

Once we got to the room, I excused myself to touch up my makeup once more. That was when I realized I hadn't brought any spare clothes. None at all.

I could've sworn I did, but I knew I hadn't. Not this time.

 _Not this time._

Where had **that** thought come from?

"What is going on?" I muttered to myself, looking around me. Was I really just paranoid? Had I finally cracked?

"Kylie?" I heard Castiel's voice float in from the main room, and I took a deep breath.

"You're fine. Everything is fine." I told myself. "Everything will be fine. Everything should be fine."

But something was wrong.

I walked out, still feeling uneasy, and saw Castiel laying down on the bed already, on his side, with his head propped up on his arm.

Maybe this was what was making me uneasy. He reached under the bed, smoothly pulling out the box of, you guessed it, _**CONDOMS**_.

 _Fucking_ _ **condoms**_.

"I got these," he explained, his voice nervous and… bared. Honest. "Because Dean requested that I did. He thought it would be a good idea and suggested it in case you were… expecting anything. But Sam told me about, well, everything," DAMMIT SAM YOU **TRAITOR**. "And I know my experience is not much either, but I do know," he stood up, contemplating the box for a moment. "That I think we can both agree that these condoms should not be put to waste."

What?

No.

That wasn't what he was supposed to say.

That wasn't at all what he was supposed to say.

Not even in the slightest.

"What?" I asked, completely bewildered by his response.

"I'm serious." Castiel urged, taking a step towards me. I took a step away, realizing that something wasn't quite right. Not just the whole evening, but with Cas.

Cas didn't act like this.

"Castiel," I said, my voice starting to waver as he continued to advance. "Cas, I really don't think that…"

My purse.

I hadn't bought a purse, but I had.

I had when this actually happened, but not this time.

And last time I had brought spare clothes.

And Castiel hadn't been thankful, he'd been surprised at the personal good that had come.

And Castiel _hadn't tried to push sex on me._

And this _wasn't real._

"Cas, you wouldn't." I said, my voice firmer. He stopped, cocking his head to the side. "Because this isn't you. This is a dream turning in to a nightmare." I fought back tears. This wasn't my Cas. My Cas hadn't taken me out on this wonderful date. Sam hadn't gone shopping with me. My Cas hadn't had an honest and real and wonderful moment of total honesty with me. Dean hadn't gone with Cas.

Not this time.

Because this time _wasn't real_ , and _none of this was r_ eal, and at this point I was beginning to wonder if my memory of this happening the _first time_ was real.

"And I want _**out**_." I flicked my wrist, and felt the familiar weight of an angel blade fall in to it. Castiel stared at it for a moment, eyes wide, before looking back at me. "I'm sorry." I whispered, holding it out.

There's only one sure way out of a dream, after all. And I could never hurt Cas, not even if it wasn't really him.

So I turned it on me, pointed an angel blade at the center of my fucking chest, and pulled it towards me. I vaguely heard Castiel's voice, morphing in to another, shouting two words.

" **STOP! CUT!** "


	11. Story Time Is Over

I woke up tied to a chair, in a fancy study, and most definitely gagged. When I looked beside me, I saw Castiel, the REAL Castiel, in a similar situation, except knocked out cold. I struggled, tried to say his name, but was interrupted by a polite coughing coming from in front of me.

I looked forwards, and started to try and shout a litany of awful curse words beginning with the letters M, F, C, D, B, and A, but found my attempts muffled by the gag once more. "Hello, Kylie." Metatron said, pushing his typewriter aside. He waved a hand at me, and the gag fell off.

"You MOTHER-" he waved his hand, and the gag came back up.

"Did you never learn proper language skills?" He asked me, actual fucking curiosity lighting up his face. "Now, I'm going to take the gag off again, and if you keep trying to swear at me I will silence your voice permanently, understood?" I nodded, my gaze steely as he waved his hand once more.

"What did you do to him?" I asked, taking a nervous glance at Cas. Metatron smiled, clapping his hands together.

"Even faced with an uncertain reality and a foreign environment, in which you lack any weaponry or upper hand whatsoever," Metatron gestured towards my boyfriend with his hands. "You still ask about him first! How romantic!"

"What did you do?!" I asked again, trying to struggle.

"I kidnapped the both of you. Isn't that obvious?" He asked. I kept struggling. "You've been here a lot longer, though."

I stopped, then, looking down at my legs. I moved them, experimentally, and found them fine. Nothing like what had happened when Crowley had had me. "Angelic magic, my dear." Metatron continued. I looked up to see him wiggling his fingers. "You are in the exact condition and health that I picked you up in a few weeks ago. I couldn't have the perfect bait atrophying, now, could I?"

I tried hard to remember, to undo the mess of memories that whatever he had done to me had created.

That date had happened, but it had happened differently. Not long after, we'd been on a case... I'd gone out to get dinner….

I'd been grabbed and knocked out.

That had happened maybe a week or so after our actual date, if I was still correct on that happening.

"How long has Castiel been here?" I asked.

"Not long. He's in a dream about reuniting with his brother, if you're curious." He answered.

"Why did you take us?"

"Castiel didn't follow my original script, and enough angels are wanting to follow him that I wanted to create my own epic story of my triumph, so I wanted him to become that leader, their Red Queen to my Alice, if you will." I rolled my eyes. "You aren't helping that image. As much as I wanted Castiel here to settle down with you, and stay out of the way, he didn't, and you helped him not do it. Now, other angels see him as… let's say second-class, to be polite, and if I want the great story I have planned, that part won't work. Every villain has his weakness, but Castiel… He has one too many." He pointed an angel blade at me, smiling. "Sadly, you're that extra one, although I do like you, don't get me wrong." He shook his head. "Hard-working, forgiving, selfless, you're the classic love-struck heroine from every book, be it Katniss or Earnshaw." He tutted at me. "And yet now, you're a hindrance."

"What are you going to do, kill me?" I dared, very seriously hoping that wasn't true.

"Kill you?" Metatron laughed. "I brought you BACK. You are his hidden purpose, his girl in the locket," he motioned to Castiel as he spoke. "You're useless if you're dead; no, if I kill you, then you're a martyr and become a martyr to his cause. Not that that wouldn't be interesting," he looked off, thinking for a moment before shaking his head. "But it's not really important to the plot again. I mean, killing you off a second time? That would really just be pointless. You've already made your big splash as dead and back, and I'd really rather not Winchester the whole thing with you." He nodded. "I think I'll just leave you alive, as a reminder to my everlasting kindness and a constant threat to Castiel, in case he ever steps out of line after I win."

I glanced over at Castiel again, and saw him still asleep, under whatever spell Metatron had cast.

"I'm not going to kill him either." Metatron sounded exasperated. "Geez, is that really all humans think of as an answer? Kill or be killed? I mean, I know that's how the Winchesters work, but you, really?" He asked, tutting at me. "I really expected so much more from you."

"So what happens now?" I asked, curious.

"Now, we wait for Castiel to accept his role, or wake up as well." Metatron thought for a moment. "What clued you in?"

"Conflicting memories." I answered vaguely. "What made you think I wanted sex?"

"Your subconscious." Metatron answered just as vaguely. "I edited the happy date memory you had, took out the angel I sent in to freak you out and try to freak you away, and added in the sex you wanted, but buried deep down."

I thought on that, an angel trying to freak me out?

I vaguely remembered a blonde man stopping me outside the restroom, calling me… well, a whore and an abomination creator and saying that angels would keep trying to kill Castiel if I stayed with him.

And yet I hadn't left, because Castiel had seen my nervousness and fear and tried to assuage it.

And later that night… We'd both agreed that it was way too soon. I changed in to my pajamas, Castiel had brought some of my favorite movies he'd bought, and popcorn, and had a liter of my favorite soda that we shared. We'd cuddled and watched movies all night and just fell asleep together (or, at least, I fell asleep) cuddling and laughing and truly enjoying our night together. Any worries or doubts or fears had disappeared as his kind thinking of my comfortability.

"And when that didn't work, well…" Metatron gestured around us. "Here we are."

"What happens to me when Castiel wakes up?"

"I'll hide you away." Metatron assured me. "Maybe let him see you once, you know? For inspiration. After that…" He considered his options. "You would never willingly help me, and there are perfectly good jail cells that are still usable…."

Metatron went back to typing, deep in thought. I sat there myself, no longer struggling but instead trying to find a way to slip out of these damn ropes. I stopped when Metatron's typing paused, and heard Castiel begin to move. "Damn." Metatron muttered, glancing over at me. "He's coming out of it too, and I really don't want the touchy feely reunion just yet." He opened a desk drawer to pull out something, a couple of somethings. With a snap he had them mixed together, and pulled a piece of my hair off my head to complete it.

He stood before Castiel, and muttered a few words at him before blowing the mixture in his face. It disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving me unsure as to what had just happened.

Metatron hurried to his seat, an unnerving smile across his face as he took to his typewriter once more.

Then Castiel woke up. "Cas!" I said his name happily, hoping that he would turn to see me and know I was fine.

He didn't even move towards me. "Castiel!" I shouted his name louder, feeling distress creep in to my voice.

"What have you done to Kylie?" I heard him ask, and felt hope once more. He knew I was here. He had to know I was here! When Metatron didn't answer, only smiled, Castiel's next question made my heart sink.

"Where is she?!" He shouted, trying to struggle out of his bindings.

He couldn't see me.

He couldn't hear me.

He had no clue I was right here.

I turned my attention on Metatron. "What did you do to him?!" I shouted at the Scribe. "What did you do to Cas?!"

"Kylie is safe, for now." Metatron didn't even focus on me, instead conversing with my boyfriend.

"Where did you put her?"

"Heaven's jail cells are quite nice, in all honesty." Metatron stated, and I watched as fear and horror entered Castiel's eyes. "Especially when you don't need to eat, or sleep, or use the bathroom, or drink water, ESPECIALLY the part on water."

"I'm right here, Cas!" I shouted, turning back to him. His eyes were locked on Metatron, who kept talking.

"I mean, they're nice for angels, I guess." Metatron shrugged. "It's still jail, though, so…." He shrugged.

"Send her back." Cas demanded. "This isn't her fight."

"Actually, it is, since you wouldn't just settle down like I asked you to." Metatron sighed, and moved to sit on the corner of his desk. He glanced over at me, once, and let out a small wink. "I mean really, you love the girl, would it have killed you to go live happily ever after or something?"

"Our family was slaughtering each other. I couldn't just stand by and allow that to pass me by." Cas answered defiantly.

"No, you really couldn't, could you?" Metatron shook his head. "And that's why she's a part of this now."

"What do you mean?"

And then Metatron went on to explain his grand plan, again. Castiel leading the rebel angels against Metatron. Metatron, being the benevolent hero that wins, bringing the angels back to Heaven. Your classic storybook tale. I was thankful to hear that Hannah was alright, though. I had been hoping that she was successful. I would take alive over successful any day.

"But angels…. They won't follow a weak leader." Metatron stated. "They wouldn't want to follow a cordziz hoath, of all things." For the first time, I saw Castiel wince very visibly at the words. "What, it's what you are, isn't it?" Metatron asked. "Accept it. Own it. You are what produces Nephilim, procures abominations." Castiel didn't meet his gaze as Metatron stood to lean in close. "But that doesn't matter, does it? None of that matters because of her, right? You don't care that you're an abomination yourself, now, because of that girl you met in an alley a few years ago?" Metatron's voice was soft, taunting, and Castiel still looked away. He would be looking at me, if he could see me.

"I'm right here, Cas." I pleaded. "I'm right here, I love you, and I know you're going to get us out of this. I know we'll figure this out, together."

But he still didn't see me. Still didn't hear me. Still didn't even feel the breath of my words against his face.

It was like I didn't exist.

I forced myself to feel nothing when Castiel didn't answer, but I saw his face. I saw the shame that colored it at Metatron's words.

I saw the shame at being a cordziz hoath, a human lover.

"So I had to take her out of play, you know?" Metatron moved away from Cas to sit on the corner again. "Make you more… likeable, to the other angels."

Castiel didn't say a word. No demand for my release. No threats on what may come. Nothing. He just stared at Metatron, righteous anger and defiance in his gaze once more.

"Do you know why I didn't kill you after I stole your Grace?" Metatron asked. "And why I brought your girlfriend back? I like you. Truly. Among all God's little windup toys, you were the only one with any spunk. I left you human because I was hoping you would live happily ever after with the girl, but you screwed that up, too. And now... Uh, you leave me no choice. I mean, if you want to get back on board, fine, but you're gonna have to follow my script."

"Well, based on your assessment, that doesn't sound like me." Castiel said in response.

"Lead the dumb, disenfranchised, rebellious angels against me, Castiel. They will follow you. And they'll all die, but I'm gonna save a nice, warm seat up top for you. You will be saved. You'll even get Kylie back."

"Don't do it, Cas." I begged, knowing he couldn't hear me anyways.

"No." He turned down the offer, and I wished I could do a fist pump.

"Mm. You're gonna make me do the hard pitch, aren't you?" Metatron asked. I stilled, then, fearful for what the hard pitch may be. "How's that, um, stolen grace inside you working out?"

"It's fine." Cas said curtly, blatantly lying.

"No. It's not." Metatron called him out on it. "It's burning out. It's gonna burn you out." I looked at Castiel. He hadn't told me about that. He'd told me that he would be fine. "But I will give you an endless supply of rechargeable batteries. Deal?"

That time, I didn't tell him not to.

If I'd been offered that deal, to save Castiel's life or rebel against Metatron's plan…. I know I would've chosen to keep Cas recharged for eternity.

The door opened, stopping Castiel from answering, and a woman walked in. "Sorry to interrupt your…" She took a glance at Cas. "Writing session, sir, but something's happened."

"What's wrong?" Metatron asked her.

"It's Gadreel." She answered. He thought for a moment before stepping outside with her to converse. Once he was out of the room, I turned back to Castiel.

"Cas, please, please tell me you can hear me and that you're just playing along." I begged. "Please, I need to know, I just need to know that you know I'm here, that I'm fine, and that I missed you. I love you and I missed you and I know we'll get out of this somehow, I believe in you." I felt myself wanting to cry. "Please, just tell me you can see me Cas. Please, just let me know you know I'm here, that you don't have to worry about me."

I let a tear fall at his lack of an answer. Instead, he looked about the room, thinking about how to escape more than likely.

"I'm sorry, Kylie." I heard him mutter. I felt hope in my chest once more. Maybe he at least heard me? "I'm sorry he took you, and that I couldn't protect you." Castiel looked up at the ceiling, almost as though he was praying. "I promise, I'll get you out of here somehow. I promise I will. I'll find you," my heart sank once more. He still didn't see me. "And when I do, Metatron will have hell to pay."

"I'm right here, Cas." I whispered, letting more tears fall. "I'm right freaking here."


	12. Jailhouse Rock

I spent almost two months' total in Heaven's jail. Metatron gave me updates on what appeared to be some sort of scheduled basis, but I couldn't tell. I couldn't tell whether it was day or night, whether it was Thursday or Sunday, whether it'd been a week since I'd seen Cas or just a few days. Metatron explained that he'd cast a spell on Castiel, so that he could not see or hear or feel or smell or even taste me, so that I was effectively nonexistent to him.

I'd been there, and he'd had no clue. And then I'd been thrown in Heaven's jail. Metatron brought me food when he brought me updates, because apparently he still liked me and was rooting for me, but that was about it. I had a bucket for a toilet.

I learned it was two months when Cas got thrown in beside me with Gadreel. For all their irony, I got thrown in with Castiel, for once.

I was sitting in the corner, curled up like normal, when he was thrown in quite roughly. I didn't look up. This wasn't the first time I'd imagined Castiel coming in, although I will admit that usually he came in a little more heroic-like, guns blazing and Winchesters behind him.

Usually he didn't get thrown in by Hannah, in my dreams, because Hannah would never work for Metatron and Castiel couldn't get thrown in jail and even if he did, he'd never get thrown in the same jail cell as me.

"Great." I muttered, not even looking up. My hair had grown out, and was covering my face. It was dirty and gross, as were the clothes I wore that I hadn't gotten to change out of and probably the rest of me. "I bet you still can't see me, too."

Castiel didn't speak, and I didn't bother glancing at him again. He'd go away after a minute of me ignoring him, like he always did in the dreams where he didn't answer because he **COULDN'T SEE ME**.

Eventually, though, curiosity got the better of me, and I glanced up.

Castiel was standing in the middle of the cell, silent as a ghost, staring at me.

Not at the corner. Not behind me. Not off in to space.

Directly.

At.

 _Me_.

"Can you see me?" I whispered to him. He didn't even bother with a nod, just rushed and enveloped me in a hug.

"I thought I'd lost you." He whispered in to my grimy hair, holding me like I might slip away. I wasn't so quick to embrace him, though. I had seen this play out, as well.

"How do I know you're real?" I asked him, and felt him pull away to stare in to my eyes. "Metatron put me in a dream, where I was back on our date with you… How do I know it's not just another trick?"

"I missed your birthday because I hadn't known about it." He answered. "And when I told you I loved you, I screamed it at you instead of telling you calmly."

Sam and Dean knew that.

Kevin had known that, and Kevin's mom probably knew too. Castiel saw my hestitation still, and sighed.

"We went to see the second-largest ball of twine," he decided. "And you explained to me what it meant to be human. You had a disposable camera, and told me to just take a damn picture with you."

That was what made me believe it was Cas. Not because of the memory, but because he chose that specific one. It had been a simple trip, nothing major, nothing anybody would think of as important or noteworthy or special, except Cas and I. I'd never gotten the pictures developed, and still wanted to. But I'd taken him there on a whim, I'd been happy, and he'd seemed to be happy as well.

He picked it because it was a little thing, a small thing that I loved.

I threw my arms around him, and buried my face in to his overcoat. "It's you." I whispered. Castiel threw his arms around me as well, holding me even tighter than he had before.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered. "I'm so sorry that I couldn't keep you safe."

"I'm fine." I assured him. "I'm just glad you're here and safe."

"So the rumors are true." I heard a voice call out from the next cell. Castiel broke away from me, and we both glared at the wall.

I recognized that voice.

He'd talked to me, tried to scare me away on me and Cas' date.

"Who is that?" I asked, every part of me very still. Castiel's stance matched mine in stillness as we both stared at the wall.

"That's Gadreel." He answered, his voice slow.

"That's the son of a bitch who possessed Sam?" I asked.

"I can hear you, just in case you did not know." He responded. I got up slowly, feeling Castiel's arms fall off of me as I rose. I walked over to the wall, and heard Castiel get up behind me.

"You're the one that took me, aren't you?" I asked, remembering that voice more clearly. Blonde hair, tall, looked a bit like he was carved out of a rock.

He didn't answer for a few moments, so I stood there, with my arms crossed. Castiel stood beside me, waiting as well.

When he still didn't answer, Castiel spoke. "Gadreel, is this true?"

"Yes." He said, the word coming out disjointed and harshly.

"You came up to me at the date, and told me to leave Castiel alone." I continued. "You were the one Metatron sent to scare me away."

"And you should have left." Gadreel answered. "If you had, you would not be stuck in this cell like Castiel and I."

"Seriously? That's all you have to say about that?" I asked, throwing my hands in the air. "You KIDNAPPED me. You followed Metatron's orders, killed Kevin, took Sam for a ride, probably helped Metatron snag Cas, and for what?" I crossed my arms again. "You're stuck in a cell, again, just like us, and you're _still_ defending the order Metatron gave you."

"I was **not** defending him." Gadreel spat back.

"Then what were you doing?"

"Saying the truth."

"Gadreel, I think that is enough." Castiel said, his words biting. Gadreel fell silent, and I turned to face Cas.

"Why are you here?" I asked him, taking a glance at the wall. "Both of you."

"Actually, that is a good question." I heard a voice say, a new one. Feminine. I turned to look where it came from, at the cell bars, and saw the last person I expected to see.

"Hannah?"

"Kylie?" She saw me, for the first time, and I ran to the cell walls. I put my arms out, trying to hug her or something, thank GOD she was still alive, but she recoiled, moving away from me.

"Hannah, what's happening?" I looked, and saw she was, in fact on the other side of the bars. Not my side, not in jail, but on the side of the people that threw us in. "Do you… Do you work for Metatron?"

She didn't answer, and I turned to Castiel. "What happened, in _two months_?" I asked him. "I mean, seriously, TWO MONTHS and you're in jail with me, Hannah is working for Metatron," I pointed at her, not looking. "Gadreel is in jail as well, thrown in at the same time as you," I pointed at the wall that Gadreel resided behind. "And by WHOEVER, if I don't get some sort of idea as to what's going on OTHER than Metatron's goddamn self-righteous updates, I'm going to go INSANE!" I shouted, looking around at everyone. Hannah's face held shock and surprise, whereas Castiel… he was smiling at me, of all things. Smiling and almost laughing quietly. "WHAT is so goddamn funny, Cas?!" I asked him.

He pulled me in for a short kiss, hands in my hair even after he pulled away. "You have no idea how much I missed that," he said. "Missed you needing to know everything and being very much so adamant about it; missed watching the way you talked with your whole body and continually used hand gestures for whatever reason. I missed seeing and hearing you with me."

"Oh." I said quietly. "Well, you know, jail-crazy and all that…" My voice trailed off as I looked in to his eyes and saw how overjoyed he was that we were both here, together. Granted, we were in Heaven's jail cells, but we were still here. He could see me, could hear me, and I could be here with him to figure this out.

So we both sat down, leaning against the wall that Gadreel stood behind, with Castiel's arm around my shoulders. "I'll explain what happened." He said, looking at me first before Hannah.

And explain, he did.


	13. Even Angels Can Change

"Okay, so you're telling me that Metatron set you up, arranged those suicide bombers to make himself look like the victim." Hannah said at the end of the story. I believed him, I believed him without question because I knew he wouldn't order suicide bombers. He didn't want to see anyone else die. How could Hannah not see that?

"Gadreel was his second in command. For what other reason than the truth would he turn against Metatron?" Cas pointed out. I still wasn't a fan of Gadreel. Not even a little bit.

"So now I'm expected to trust the word of an angel who's only ever thought of himself since the Garden," very fair point. "And you?" Not so fair of a point. "You told us not a single angel more would die in this fight."

"What do you think I have been trying to do?" Castiel asked.

"Trying? By killing Metatron?"

"He is the reason for all of our suffering."

"Nothing you say matters."

"Would you rather I not try at all?"

"Not if you can't prove it."

Ah, there it was. The demand for proof. I couldn't really offer any, and I knew Castiel and Gadreel couldn't either.

"So give us a chance. Let us out, Hannah. Please."

When she didn't respond, I got up and walked to the bars. "Hannah, do believe I should be here right now?" I asked her.

"You're what turned him to be a _cordziz hoath_ , turned him against his own kind." Hannah responded, her voice tight as she refused to look at me. I bit back a rude response.

"Hannah," I pleaded. "Look at me. It's me, it's Kylie. Do you think I should be in Heaven's jail cell right now?" I asked again. "Do you believe that I am supposed to be here."

"Metatron must have good reason." She answered. "If he brought you back, he reserves the ability to put you away."

"That's bullshit and you know it." I responded. "I'm here because I fell in love, Hannah. I'm here because my existence in this fight stopped being convenient for him, because you angels are such self-righteous and _racist_ beings that you think it's bad for an angel to love a human, humans that you were charged to protect and guide and love like you loved your father, correct?"

That's right, I'd read the damn Bible before. I'd heard Castiel talk about God's orders, "love them as you loved me" and all that.

"What is your point, Kylie?" Hannah asked, started to become… Uncomfortable. Flustered.

Starting to see I might be right.

"My point is that you know Castiel is a good angel, a good man," I answered. "Gadreel," I shrugged. "If Cas vouches for him, I won't kill him." That was the best he was getting at the moment. "But you're better than another one of Metatron's bureaucrats. You had a goal, a mission to bring the angels back to Heaven," I reminded her. "And you trusted Castiel to do that, to help you in that mission."

"And good people died in his name." She bit back. I shook my head.

"Hannah, look at me, please." I begged her. "If you won't trust Gadreel, won't trust Castiel, then trust me. I didn't throw the angels out of heaven. I didn't promise to bring them back. I didn't say or offer or claim to do any of that, and I'm still not going to." I shrugged. "I'm a human girl, in heaven's jail cell, and right now I want you to look at me and actually talk to me." She did, slowly, and I smiled at her. "If you can tell me a reason, right now, that I should be in here besides the fact that I love Castiel, then I'll stop talking, stop trying, and go back to sitting in my corner." I motioned to the corner in question to emphasize my point. "But if you can't, then you've gotta trust me when I say that Castiel wouldn't ask people to die for him, wouldn't organize suicide bombers; that Metatron is the one you want to go against, not him." I pointed at Cas now, who moved to stand behind me. He put a hand on my shoulder, and I took it with a smile.

Hannah stood there, unsure of what to say. I could see sadness forming in her eyes, though, and knew that I had failed.

"If Metatron put you here, he did it for a good reason." She said decisively. I let my face fall at her words, and gripped Castiel's hand a little tighter as Hannah left, her steps quick and hurried.

I couldn't blame her. She needed to believe that she was doing the right thing to bring her people back.

"It was a very rallying speech." Castiel told me. I kissed the side of his chin, smiling at the feeling of stubble on his face.

"You tried growing out the beard?" I asked him, raising an eyebrow. He shrugged.

"Now, I guess I have a long time to see how it looks." He said. We both looked around at our cell.

"At least we're together." I reminded him. He smiled at me.

"I do not think I could have asked for any other kindness."

"And for what it's worth," I turned my attention to the wall that contained Gadreel on the other side. "I still think you're an ass," I said, my voice a little louder so Gadreel knew I was speaking to him. "But nobody deserves to rot in a cell for a mistake, and if Castiel trusts you, then I'll trust you too."

"Thank you." Gadreel responded. Castiel and I sunk back to the wall we shared with the other angel, sitting and thinking while Gadreel continued to speak. "I sat in this hole for thousands of years, thinking of nothing but redemption, of reclaiming my good name. I thought of nobody, no cause, other than my own."

"You've been redeemed, my friend." Castiel assured him.

"The only thing that matters in the end is the mission… Protecting those who would not and cannot protect themselves... The humans." I was about to argue that I could protect myself, until I remembered I was in Heaven's freaking jail. "None of us is bigger than that. And we will not let our fears, our self-absorption, prevent us from seeing it through. Not anymore."

"No. Of course not." Castiel agreed.

"Yeah, Gadreel, it'll all work out. Don't worry." I was lying through my teeth. We were screwed.

"Move to the other side of your cell, Kylie, and have Castiel help keep your head down."

"What are you doing?" Castiel asked as we both stood. I watched Hannah run in and her expression turn to horror as she stared in to Gadreel's cell. She reached for her keys and started trying to look for one, and when Castiel saw her actions he moved me to the opposite wall.

"When they say my name," Gadreel's voice wasn't quite the angel calm voice anymore. Now it was a different calm, the one that comes when…

When you know you're about to die.

"Perhaps I won't just be the one who let the serpent in," he continued. "Perhaps I will be known as one of the many..."

"Gadreel," Castiel said his name like a warning as Hannah continued to fumble with the keys.

"Whatever it is you're thinking about doing, don't do it." I urged him. He kept talking.

"...Who gave heaven a second chance. I am sorry for what I did to you, Kylie." He paused, taking in a deep breath. "Run, sister."

After that, everything moved too fast for me to comprehend. Castiel shielded me with his coat and arms, keeping me pinned against the wall as a loud explosion emitted. I closed my eyes, the light was so bright, and buckled with Castiel in the tremors of the explosion.

Hannah ran in a few moments later, helping clear the rubble off of myself and Castiel. "Are you alright?" He asked me. I nodded. A few cuts and scrapes, maybe, but no broken bones. Nothing serious. He kissed me quickly before turning to Hannah. "Do you believe us now?" He asked her.

She nodded, unable to say a word.


	14. Bug The Office

We freaking sprinted to Metatron's office, looking around to find that damn angel tablet, while Hannah went off to make sure no other angels came in. I rifled through book after book after book, hoping for a secret lever or something.

What? Metatron was a book nerd. He had to have a secret lever.

Ultimately, though, Castiel found it in the typewriter. "Got it." He told me, holding it up high in the air. He then threw it on the ground, effectively smashing it in to a few dozen pieces.

"He'll sense his power source is gone." I told Castiel, grabbing his arm. "We need to go."

"Wait," he gripped my arm back, stopping me from pulling him out the doors. "The other angels… They deserve to know the truth."

"Then we'll tell them, now let's go." I urged him, pulling again. He shook his head.

"Hannah liked you, she thought of you as good, and it took Gadreel's sacrifice to convince her." Castiel reminded me. "If they're going to hear the truth, it's going to need to be from Metatron's own mouth."

"What do you want to do, bug the room?" I asked. "Wait for him to go on a monologue again?"

Castiel thought about it for a moment, and our eyes settled on an old microphone setup, like from a radio station, that glowed just barely.

"I have an idea." Castiel said, looking over at me. "You need to leave."

"What?!" I asked, shaking my head as I pulled my arm away. "No way in hell!"

"Metatron will be coming," Castiel reminded me. "I can't have you here again."

"And why not?!"

"Because I can't lose you again!" He shouted, suddenly withdrawing afterwards. "I thought Metatron had tortured you, maybe even killed you. I can't…" He took a deep breath. "You were taken from me by him before. I cannot watch that happen again."

"Cas," I took short steps forwards, placing a hand on the side of his face. "I'm not leaving you. I thought I'd lost you as well. You know how Metatron had you in his office, and told you he wanted you to lead the angels against him?" Castiel's eyes widened at that. "Yeah, I was there. I know. Metatron cast some sort of a spell on you that made you unable to see me." I explained quickly. "I hated that, I thought I wouldn't see you again, and that you would have no way of knowing that I was there, that I was alive, and that you didn't have to worry. I thought I'd lost you, had to watch myself lose you, and that I wouldn't get you back." I shook my head, clearing out those fears. "I'm not going to let that happen either, so I'm not leaving. Either we do this together, or we leave together, but either way, I'm not taking one step out of this room unless you're taking one next to me, alright?"

"Alright." Castiel said, nodding. I smiled up at him, and gave him a short kiss.

"What's your plan?"

"We're going to turn the microphone on and wait for him." Castiel answered. I stared at him.

"That's a terrible plan!" I argued. "He'll never fall for that!"

"Did you have a better idea?"

"No." I muttered.

"Then how is it a terrible plan?"

"Because it's, like, out of some B-list mystery book that only lonely people read."

"Yes, well, Metatron gave me his whole index of literature and movies that he has seen in his millennia, so I probably can guess what mystery book you're thinking of." He answered. I stared at him, slightly dumbfounded.

"Who's The Doctor?" I asked, testing it out.

"Alien. TV show that's British. Doctor Who. Are we done now?" He asked, motioning to the mic. "Metatron will be here soon."

"Fine, fine, we'll do it." I agreed, turning it on quickly. "But I don't like it." I hissed at him, moving us both away from the mic and towards Metatron's chair. I thought about it for a moment. "Here, sit in his chair." I told him, motioning to the object. Castiel stared at me in confusion.

"Why?"

"Because it puts SOMETHING between us and him, and because it'll look very James Bond." I answered. Cas rolled his eyes.

"Am I supposed to turn around with a cat as though I were the bad guy, too?" He asked, and I fought back a laugh.

"Just do it!" I whispered, rolling my eyes as I shoved him towards the chair. He took the seat gracefully, and I took my spot behind his chair.

"This is a bad idea." Cas muttered.

"Did you have a better one?" I countered.

"No."

"Then wait." I smiled, and Castiel fought back a small smile as well.

I missed this, the slight bickering over little things that worked out anyways. I'd just missed him.

"I missed you." He whispered, looking up at me. I gripped his hand tightly, leaning down to kiss him.

"I missed you too." I whispered back.

Even in the office of a douchebag angel about to get bugged, I still preferred being next to Castiel in this than in a jail cell alone again.

I think he preferred this over our separation as well.


	15. Hannah's Apology

It worked.

It **FUCKING WORKED,** and Metatron got his as _**CANNED**_.

I was there, with Cas and Hannah as we threw him in the only cell left that Gadreel hadn't destroyed. I smiled as Hannah locked the door on him, tossing the key in a jacket pocket somewhere.

"You're doing the right thing," Hannah said to Castiel. "Letting him live. It's what a leader would do."

"I'm no leader, Hannah. I never was." He took a glance at me, on the opposite side of him, and I nodded in reassurance. "I just want to be an angel."

"And Your Grace?" She asked. "What will you do about that? You will die if you don't replenish it."

I thought about that. I'd been thinking about that for two months. There had to be something in the Bunker, _ANYTHING_ in the damn Bunker that could help. It was a **FORTRESS** of _BOOKS_. There had to be something on restoring angelic grace.

But from the look on Castiel's face, I could see that he hadn't been thinking about that. Hannah nodded, seeing that as well. "Would it be allowed for me to speak with Kylie for a moment, in private?" She asked. Castiel looked at me, and I nodded once more.

"I'll be right here." He whispered, squeezing my hand. Hannah and I moved out of the jail area in to a second room.

"I just wished to apologize for my actions." Hannah said once we were alone. I was about to speak, but she held up a hand. "My choices were made selfishly and without thinking of the thanks I owed you, a human that showed me kindness when you did not need to. I should not have acted to judge you so quickly," she took a glance at the door separating us from Castiel. "I can see that he does, in fact, love you, as you do him, and I am sorry for thinking of that as wrong."

"Hannah, it's alright." I said, shrugging. "You didn't know any better. You were trying to get your family back home. People do crazy things for good reasons."

"I do not believe I deserve your forgiveness, but thank you for extending it anyways." She said. I laughed.

"Really, it's nothing. If you ever want to go out on a girl's day for ice cream, just say the word."

"That sounds like… something fun to do," Hannah agreed with a sigh. "But Heaven needs organization, now. Heaven needs structure, it's angels need structure and orders, and without Castiel…" She shook her head. "I am not certain how to rebuild in Heaven."

"You didn't just bring me in here to apologize, did you?" I asked. She shook her head.

"Heaven needs Castiel." She explained. "Other angels look up to his guidance and wisdom. He has knowledge of humanity and free will and leadership that many of us cannot begin to comprehend…" She thought for a moment. "I know, because of his bravery, that angels will accept him as our leader, even with you by his side."

I shook my head, putting up my hands in a "stop" motion. "No. I'm not doing this."

"What do you mean?"

"You want me to go back in there, and ask Castiel to do what he just said he doesn't want to do."

"He said he wanted to be an angel." Hannah reminded me.

"Yeah, he did. An angel, not a leader; not God again." I shot back. "You guys are all bent out of shape without someone to follow, maybe you should learn to figure things out on your own."

"Heaven needs structure and order." Hannah reminded me. "Someone to tell the Cupids and Cherubs whom to bring together, someone to guide the angels in which miracles to perform, someone to monitor those who keep guard over the souls."

"So why don't you do it?" I asked. "Why don't you lead them all?"

"I… I…" Hannah stammered to answer. "I do not possess the same leadership qualities as," I cut her off quickly.

"Bullshit. You had other angels with you when you went to follow Castiel, angels that listened to you, right?" I asked. She nodded. "And you brought the angels back, by working with Metatron, right?"

"It was a foolish decision."

"But you still brought them home." I reminded her. "You still brought the angels to Heaven. Your mission was to bring them home, why not complete it? Bring them back to a home, one that you all rebuild together instead of under a singular idea."

"Do you…" She was hesitant, now. "Do you really believe that I could do such a thing?"

"Do you see me going out and trying to convince Cas or some other angel to do it?" I responded. "If I didn't think you could do it, I wouldn't be here telling you to do it."

"But… I am no archangel."

"Neither was Cas."

"I am no leader."

"Neither was Cas."

"I have no idea what I would do to start." She finally admitted. I smiled, patting her on the shoulder lightly.

"Neither did Cas." I repeated one more time. "He just tries his best, and hopes for the best. Sometimes, that's the only strategy or plan that you can rely on." I shrugged again, taking another glance at the door. "I know he wouldn't have trusted you, either, if you weren't up to snuff."

"What does that mean, 'up to snuff?'" Hannah asked.

"It means you've got what it takes to rebuild Heaven properly." I answered. "Now come on, let's grab Cas. I've got two Winchesters on the ground that need their angel and angel's girlfriend, and I know Cas wants to go help out Sam just as badly as I do."

"Wait, Kylie," Hannah's voice stopped me once more. "Castiel's grace… It will wear down and burn him from the inside out."

"Yeah," my voice was tight. "Yeah, I know."

"I don't wish to see Castiel die." She stated.

"Neither do I."

"You have a… a plan?" She sounded hopeful, more hopeful than I was.

"I'm going to try my best," I answered evenly. "And pray to whoever and whatever is left that the best will come from it."

"There are not many left who could do anything." She said. "Other angels… I know they would not mind offering up their own graces," I stopped her before she could continue.

"He hated doing that the first time. It ate him up inside and made him feel like something awful, something that he wasn't. It still eats him up sometimes." I shook my head. "He'd rather be human again, or dead, than steal another angel's grace."

"Even if it was given willingly?"

"Even then." I answered. "I'm going to look around, see what I can find. You keep… Keep rebuilding Heaven." I nodded to myself. "Make it a home for angels, a real home."

"Alright." Hannah acquiesced. We rejoined Castiel after that, speaking nothing of our conversation. Not long later, Castiel and I left to find Sam so we could stop him from doing anything stupid.

And when we got there, Dean was already gone.


	16. Figuring Things Out

The search for Dean was started immediately. Sam made calls, kept trying to summon Crowley. Cas made calls, went out searching, kept going out searching. I made calls, hitting up my network again while researching different possible tracking spells and different ways to restore Castiel's grace.

All in all, the Bunker was a flurry of movement and activity for the next month or so. I never really left, I was busy running info for Sam and Cas.

In all the commotion and movement and everything, I don't even think the two knew I was still actively looking for a way to restore Castiel's grace.

I could see everything taking it's toll on Cas, though. I could see how everything slowly but surely began to wear him down.

Sam had gone out for… Hell, I don't even know. A beer run? Following another lead solo? Trying for the "nth" time to summon a demon that would give him answers? I had no clue. I just knew that Sam was out, he'd be back whenever, and I was tasked with continuing to research any and all possible signs, leads, etc.

Cas had taken a seat beside me, kind of just watching as I did my things. The angel books were hidden among stacks of other ones around me, all catalogued in my still in-progress inventory of all the damn books we had in here. I ran my hands through my hair, fighting back another migraine that was really starting to give me perspective as to what life as Kevin had been like.

Except I couldn't call Kevin to talk about it. I could call his mom, and see if she could put his ghost on speakerphone, but… I don't know. That just seemed… Weird. Unhealthy, for all parties.

"Are you alright?" Castiel asked, startling me.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." I assured him, shaking my head in an attempt to clear it. "Just… Just thankful I'm not a prophet, I guess."

"You are tired." He stated simply.

"So are you." I countered.

"I'm an angel." He pointed out. "I do not require rest."

"Cas," I sighed, closing my book. "Sam may not see it yet, but I can see the bags under your eyes. I can see you starting to lose your energy." I took a breath. "It's your grace, isn't it? It's fading."

"That's none of your concern, Kylie," Castiel tried to assure me, but I shook my head.

"It is my concern, babe." I argued. "I love you, I want to be with you. I don't want to watch you fade away and die because you're overstretching yourself." I put a hand over his, allowing my fears of that becoming a reality to show for just a moment. "I don't want to lose you, Cas. You're the only person…" I steadied my voice. "You're the only person I've ever been in love with." I admitted. "I can't lose you."

"And you will not." He assured me, smoothing a few stray hairs back before entwining our fingers. He brought my hand up to his lips, and kissed it softly. "I promise."

He stood up, then, and tugged on my hand. "Come. It's time for rest."

"I'm not tired." I argued, saving my work on my laptop before closing it.

"You have been up for three days."

Three days? Seriously?

I took a glance at my work station once more, and saw it a little differently. Definitely books, yes; stacks and stacks of books and notes on paper and theories and things to do later, but among them were I don't know how many different cans of energy drinks, bottles of energy supplements, and the big jar of pills Dean had gotten Kevin "for pep."

The big jar of pills that was now almost empty.

"You need sleep." Castiel repeated. "It is not healthy for you to continue like this."

I remembered saying those words, those exact words so many times, to Kevin. Saying them exasperated, determined, tired myself…

Tired like Cas was as well.

"Alright." I nodded in agreement, and followed his lead to… His room? "Cas?"

"I know you will demand my rest as well." He told me. "And I know you will try to go back to your work."

Fair enough. He knew me too well.

"But… your room?"

"Oh, I'm sorry…" He took a pause, stopping from dragging me. "I just… I…"

"Cas," I shook my head, my voice soft. "I'm tired. You're tired. Let's go to bed."

Castiel nodded, and we both retired to his bedroom. I had no spare change of clothes in his room, so he tossed me an old dress shirt of his before I disappeared in to his bathroom to change. When I walked out, he had already shucked his coat and shoes, as well as unbuttoned the first few buttons of his shirt.

I stopped for a second, smiling. I loved seeing Cas like this, just… Relaxed. At ease. Not a lot of worries about working, about whatever was wrong, just… Just him. Just a very domestic him, with a book between his hands that had nothing to do with angels or demons or Hunting, but was actually one from the (quite small) fiction section of the Bunker that he liked to keep in his room.

For a moment, I remembered our plan together. Apartment. Domesticity. Life together, _normal life_ together as a couple. Cooking together, working and coming home to see each other, and just seeing him like this… Seeing him sitting there, reading… _Animal Farm_ , a personal favorite of mine as well.

"Hey." I said quietly. He turned to look at me, wearing his shirt as pajamas, and I could see his jaw drop ever so slightly.

"Hey." He said back, putting his book on the nightstand.

"Aren't you going to mark your page?" I asked, motioning to the object as I took a few cautious steps towards the bed.

"I will remember it." He assured me. "Page 105."

"Alright." I agreed, standing next to the bed, on one empty side.

"Are you alright?" He asked me.

"Yeah." I took a seat on the bed beside him, hiding my legs under the covers. "Thank you for the shirt."

"It suits you." Castiel stated, smiling a kind smile, a calming one. I leaned my head against him, finally feeling exhaustion starting to set in.

"How long do we have?" I asked, scared of the question. Castiel knew what I meant, and didn't try to avoid it this time.

"I don't know." He responded honestly, placing an arm around me. "It will depend on how much energy I expend, like in healing or listening to other angels, as well as how much I use to keep myself and you safe."

"Don't worry about keeping me safe." I assured him, but he shushed me quickly.

"I do not care how long my stolen grace will sustain me," he said. "If the life is not spent with you."

And I knew he meant it. I knew he really did mean it. "I don't want a life without you either." I reminded him.

"Then we will both need to be careful, I guess." He smirked a little at that.

"What?" I challenged, sitting up a little straighter to give him my weakest glare.

"You have picked up the same habits as the Winchesters when it comes to carefulness." He answered.

"I feel hurt." I said, feigning pain as I put a hand to my chest. "You wound me, Castiel. You wound me."

"I hope not." He responded, leaning in to kiss me.

And that was how we spent the night before we both went to sleep. Avoiding our problems, enjoying each other's company, and doing our best to block out the world and everything else except just spending time with each other.

The only thing that worried me in the morning was that he was an angel, and he had actually fallen asleep.

An angel had fallen asleep beside me, and had been a wonderful thing to wake up to, but there was still that niggling thought in the back of my mind.

 _Angels don't require sleep._


	17. Magic and Misery

Cas was doing good at hiding the fact that he was doing worse. He passed off most stuff as being nothing, as us just spending more time together. Like the fact that he started sleeping, like sleeping like humans did. Or that he wanted food, even though it still tasted like atoms. Or that some of my energy drinks started going missing, and I knew Sam hated them because he was a health nut.

Or that he kept wanting to spend more time together. Not big things, like "let's go away for a romantic week-long trip," because there was still shit to do, people and problems to handle. But it was little things, like "let's go get dinner together," "mind if I help with your research," "do you want to go with me and chase down this lead," "let's go do something," or the sleeping in each other's rooms more frequently thing. Usually we had had it split to 2 days of the week in mine, 2 in Castiel's, and 3 in our own, all separated out and stuff. But now, we both just crashed in each other's rooms together, or one of us would pull a Kevin and crash out at the table.

For those nights, the one who hadn't fallen asleep would put a blanket over the other person or sometimes manage to drag them off to bed. If it was me, it was a 50/50 as to where I woke up. If it was Cas, I tried not to worry about him falling asleep, and either had Sam help me drag him off (when Sam was at the Bunker; he was going off on his own a lot more often now) or I'd throw the heaviest and comfiest blanket over him and move his stuff out of the way, marking his pages in his books as I went and cataloguing the ones out that I didn't already have catalogued.

I always made him hot tea in the morning, though, when he crashed out on the table. Cas did the same for me, always making my favorite.

It was beautiful domesticity, but at the same time worrisome. I was always watching for his health, making sure he wasn't running a temperature or getting pale or puking or doing anything that would indicate him being sick.

I kept researching even harder, though. With every day that passed, I kept looking for a way to restore Castiel's grace, a way to possibly even FIND the damn thing. I tried different tracking spells, for Dean and for Cas' grace.

Lord, I don't know how many spells I went through and tried and ended up memorizing. There were basic similarity components to every tracking spell, similar herbs and things needed that were important to keep in stock.

I had heard about Bobby Singer briefly, but from what I knew about his knowledge and preparation for spells I had to wonder how in the hell he managed to get his hands on some of this shit. I mean, REALLY? Coriander, Lavender, I could find that crap in a freaking grocery store. But I thought Mandrake roots were a freaking Harry Potter thing! And bones? LITERAL HUMAN BONES from a certain time period and burned or scarred or drenched in the blood of some fifteenth century werewolf hybrid thing?!

What the fuck kind of drugs were these people on when they did these spells, learned these ingredients? I kept trying to find some sort of chemistry or pattern or _something_ that would help me discern how to do these easier, but I couldn't find one.

I think the only thing I did find was that I had a knack for remembering them, and that they were always interesting to try and learn. I'd found the files on the "Master of Spells" dude a while back, and heard about the stuff Henry Winchester could do. Yeah, there was a fine line between spells and being a witch, but as long as I stayed on my side, what was the problem?

Besides, if I was in the Bunker as a Woman of Letters (I live here. I should be considered a member just as much as Sam and Dean consider themselves, even if I'm not a legacy), _someone_ had to know their spell shit that could get us out of a jam.

However, when Sam found out, he didn't take too kindly to it.

"You're getting too close to witchcraft, Kylie." He warned me.

"You cast spells and crap to summon demons how often?" I countered. "How is my trying to cast tracking spells any different?"

"But it's not just tracking spells." He argued. "You're learning spells that knock people out, or disorient them, or cause them to not see other people."

"Yeah, well, when you're around it, you tend to want to learn about it, you know?" I asked. "Besides, it's an extra tool in the toolbox. I'm not praying to some demon or whatever, so I should be fine. It's just spells."

"You need to be careful." He warned, pointing a finger at me. I swatted it away quickly. "I don't have time to watch after you and look for my brother."

"Then don't watch after me!" I offered. "It's that simple. I'm fine. I'm doing what I can to help. Just stop worrying about me and keep obsessing over a brother that asked you not to do this."

"Dean wouldn't leave me!" He shouted, his voice enraged. Castiel ran in quickly at hearing Sam's volume and tone. "He didn't leave me or abandon me or go chasing after a girl, ever. He always looked after me." Sam huffed for a few minutes, calming down. "And now it's my turn to look after him, but I can't do that if I'm making sure you don't go witch on us."

"I won't!" I held up my hands beside my head in submission. "We cool?"

Sam didn't reply, just went back to his own laptop to look up new leads.

I still made food for them, and Sam didn't ever need to know that I spit in his salad that night.

But the real kicker that left all of us pissed was when we all went out a few months later, hunting a specific demon that I still don't know the name of. Sam was certain this one knew where Crowley or Dean was, certain that this one would be the answer.

Sam didn't know this demon would have a hellhound. Sam didn't know this one would have a pissed off hellhound with a howl that still gave me nightmares.

Even more so, Sam didn't know his gun was out of bullets.

The demon dislocated his shoulder before Cas dispatched it, and as for the hellhound… I got it myself, but not before it scratched me up first.

But my blades did the trick, in the end. Well, after it slashed the front of my body and I cast a freezing spell on it on impulse, and after I extracted some of it's "fur" in one bottle and black gooey (creepy as fuck) blood in another bottle, I killed the thing with my blades.

Both had to be extracted via angel blade, to "sanctify the unholy ingredients" to track "a being of unholy influence."

Screw these theoretical tracking ideas. Screw them all.

"What the hell, Kylie?!" Sam asked after I pocketed the vials.

"What do you mean, what the hell?" I asked, looking down at my stomach. "I should be asking you that right now!" It was battered and definitely bleeding and definitely needed attention. I turned around quickly to take off my shirt. It was toast anyways. I tore it to strips to wrap around my injuries instead, and afterwards threw on my jacket and zipped it up. DAMN they hurt like hell.

I turned back around to see Castiel. "Are you alright?" He asked. I shrugged, remembering he'd been thrown in to the side of a damn building. I turned around to check the back of his head, and saw him bleeding.

"Cas, your head," I warned him. "Here," I tore off a strip from the dead demon's shirt, a piece that wasn't bloody due to a demon-killing knife, and used it to put pressure on his wound. He replaced my hand with his own a minute later as I turned to Sam. His damn shoulder was still dislocated, after all.

"Let me see your shoulder." I said, motioning him towards me. I walked back to the car to grab my bag. I knew I had a few ingredients for a healing spell in there somewhere.

"No, NO magic." Sam moved his unhurt arm in a slicing motion downwards. "What the hell was that thing you did with the hellhound? What did you pull from it?"

"Stuff for another tracking spell." I answered, waving him off. "Come here. I'll check out your shoulder and fix it up."

"No." He argued, repeating his words. "No magic."

"Well what do you want me to do?" I asked him. "I'm trying not to bleed out here right now, Cas has a head injury, and I'm trying to fix you guys up so my boyfriend doesn't have to use any of his already fading grace."

"Will you two just stop it?" Castiel asked, walking up to me. He placed a hand on my stomach, and I felt warmth exude from the contact as it lit up.

"Cas, no!" I told him, but it was too late. He removed his hand, and I checked the wounds.

They didn't exist.

He stood there for a moment, almost glaring, before turning to Sam. "Bring me your shoulder." He ordered, taking a step.

All it took was that one step, and he collapsed. I shouted his name, dropping beside him to help him up. His hands were on the ground, barely propping him up as he stared at the dirt. He was sweating, breathing heavily, and…

I knew that look.

I grabbed the stuff I needed from my bag to cast a healing spell as Castiel puked. "It's gonna be alright, Cas." I told him, rubbing his back in what I hoped were soothing circles. "Just breath, focus on breathing." I assured him. "Just give me a minute, alright?"

 _Don't panic, Kylie. Don't you dare panic. Cas needs you right now, don't you fucking dare panic on him._

I mixed the ingredients quickly, and Sam walked over to us.

"What are you doing?" He asked me.

"I'm trying to help him." I answered, not looking up. If I looked up, I'd see a very pissy and irrational and angry Sam I did not need to deal with at the moment. I just kept mixing.

"Seriously?" He asked me. " _Magic_?"

"Do you have a better solution?"

He didn't answer, and I kept mixing. Once I was done, Cas had stopped vomiting. I pulled a hair out of his hair, I needed DNA, as well as one of mine before throwing them both in the mix and setting it on fire.

" _Cum sanare infirmos, infirmitatem meam mecum_." _As I heal the sick, I take the sickness within myself._

And FUCK did that hurt for a moment. I put a hand to the back of my head on impulse, and felt nothing. Of course. The spell didn't do anything physically. It just felt like it did; psychosomatic pains.

However, there was nothing psychosomatic as I dropped to my hands and knees and vomited next to Castiel. "Note to self," I muttered once I was done. "Screw that spell."

"What did you do?" Cas and Sam asked at the same time.

"Psychosomatic pain transference." I answered, rising and helping Castiel rise as well. "The injuries had to be transferred, but they don't literally transfer. Cas still has a head wound, but it's not bleeding anymore, nor does it hurt," I motioned to Castiel's head for emphasis. "And look at that, the sickness and vomiting is gone. Now let's sew up his head, fix your shoulder, and," Sam shook his head.

"You're not messing with my shoulder." He said.

"What, do you want Cas to use his grace again?" I asked, starting to get fed up. "His fading grace? His stolen grace that just caused him to puke and get sick right in front of us?"

By the look on Sam's face, I could see that had been his original plan. "What the hell, Sam?!" I asked, standing fully with Castiel beside me. "I mean, literally, WHAT IN THE HELL? What's happened to you? Ever since Dean left you've become…" I searched for the right word. An ass? A possessive ass? An obsessive one? Selfish? Rude? Cruel? Douchy?

"You know, we just killed a demon and a hellhound, but frankly," I shook my head. "I'm starting to wonder who the real demon really is here."

"What are you trying to say?" He asked me, holding his arm against him like a makeshift sling.

"Both of you, **stop**." Castiel ordered, finding his voice again. "I feel… Unwell, and my head will probably resume hurting once the spell wears off. I would rather not hasten it by listening to the pair of you bicker."

"Fine." I said. Sam repeated the word like a curse. I rummaged through my bag again, trying to find something for a sling. I'd just cut up my shirt, and it was still bloody, although effectively useless now. However….

I had some gauze, scotch tape, and a plastic bag from the last time we had Chinese takeout. I pulled out my options and did my best to make a makeshift sling for him. "Hold still." I muttered, trying to find the right place to put the scotch tape on the bag and gauze. Once I had something somewhat managed, I put the leftover tape and gauze away.

Sam didn't let me, the only uninjured person, drive, so I sat in the back with Castiel. I pulled the back of his head towards me so he could lay it in my lap, and splashed some actual antiseptic (not alcohol) on the wound before treating it. Once I was done, I started sewing up the wound with dental floss and a sewing needle. "You alright?" I asked him, focusing on the task at hand.

"Are you?" He asked in response.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You shouldn't have cast that spell." He stated quietly.

"It stopped you from vomiting again, and took away the pain, didn't it?"

"I do not want you to injure yourself for me."

"Psychosomatic injuries shouldn't count."

"You vomited beside me."

"That's beside the point."

"Kylie," he said my name exasperatedly, and I finished the stitches. He raised his head to look at me.

"I don't want to see you hurt either." I told him quietly. "I know your grace is fading, and I know we don't have a lot of time. I'm trying to find something, I've been looking," the expression of surprise told me I'd been successful in keeping that from him. "I know, I know, but you know me, I had to look. I couldn't _not_ look. And with our time running out," I clasped his hand tightly. "What other options do I have? I mean, if I could get in to Heaven I'd go ask Metatron, the pompous ass, but," Castiel interrupted me quickly.

"No." He shook his head. "Absolutely not."

"But Cas, if Metatron knows where it is," I started to argue, but he cut me off again.

" _No_. Please, do not even consider it." He told me. "Metatron will do nothing but attempt to escape, and make things worse for all of us. Do not even think about going to him again."

"Alright." I agreed, and I meant it. I had to find a way, without going to Metatron, because Cas was right. Metatron would only try to screw us all over.

"If it comes down to saving me and finding Dean," he said slowly, and this time it was my turn to cut him off.

"Don't, Cas, just… Just don't. Please, just don't." I begged, barely keeping my voice together. "I… I can't imagine a world without you, so don't even try to make me ok with one, alright? I _will not_ lose you." I said the last sentence as firmly as possible, trying to stop my voice from shaking. "I absolutely _will not_ lose you."

"Kylie, I think we need to acknowledge that my grace is fading on me." Castiel said softly. I shook my head.

"Cas, try this conversation in reverse, with me being you and you being me." I told him, and now my voice shook. "How would you react, if I was about to tell you what to do if it came down to choosing between saving me and finding Dean?"

He didn't answer, and I didn't ask him to. We rode back to the Bunker in silence, with that thought settling heavily in both of our minds.


	18. Did I Do The Right Thing?

Things only got worse. Castiel started getting sick more often, much more often. I actually almost took him to a hospital, countless times I tried to talk him in to going to the hospital, in to letting me take him, but each time he shook his head.

What was the point? They couldn't do anything.

And I couldn't find anything to get his grace. I tried and tried and tested out different theories and spells and none of them worked. The only thing that helped him was that psychosomatic spell, and he hated me using that.

In my defense, I hated seeing him like this. I hated seeing him so sick and tired and stumbling sometimes when he stood. It almost made me sick to watch. Seeing him like that made me feel sicker than when I took on his pains.

"I think I've got something," I told him, for maybe the… Damn, I don't know how many times I'd come with new ideas and theories and things to test out. I'd been taking the Men of Letters theories that were written and trying them, revising them, trying the revisions, hoping and pleading that _SOMETHING_ would work.

This time I had the same hopes, I had to keep having those same hopes. The second I gave it up… I was giving us up.

But when I actually took in the sight of Cas… I almost screamed. He was lying on the ground, splayed out on his back and unconscious.

" _ **CAS!"**_ There it was, I screamed his name, running to shake him and try to rouse him, check his pulse. It was there, but weak. Very weak.

"Cas, Cas please tell me you can hear me." I lifted him up, lifted his head in to my lap and shook his shoulders. "Cas, Cas wake up. Answer me, _please_."

His eyes fluttered for a moment, but not longer than that moment.

Shit. Shit shit _shit_ _ **shit**_ _ **shit**_.

I got up quickly, forcing down panic. There had to be a spell, be _**SOMETHING**_. I thought about my options as I rummaged through the supplies. At this point, the psychosomatic spell wouldn't be enough. Cas needed something, _**ANYTHING**_ to sustain his fading grace, sustain his life force.

I stopped, thinking about those last words.

 _Sustain his life force._

There was a spell for that.

I'd read it, and put the book away. That was too close, _waaaay_ too close to real witchcraft. That was coming close to crossing the line.

I took a glance over at the doorway, the one that Cas laid behind.

Worth it.

Absolutely worth whatever consequences came.

I switched which supplies I had, grabbing the correct ones and two small stone bowls. This one wasn't going to be a fun one. Not at all.

Rosemary, Sage, Lavender, Hemlock, Hyssop and Edelweiss next tied together with cord steeped in holy oil, and burned together… all happening in two different bowls. " _Animam meam pono tibi_ ," I started, dropping the burning herbs in the bowl with the others. " _Pascam vitae meae_." I pulled out my spare normal dagger, and grabbed one of Castiel's hands. Without pause (I couldn't pause. If I paused, I could lose him. I… I can't lose him) I sliced his palm first, then mine. The flames had reached everything else, now, and burning embers were left in place of the fire. " _Praesto essentiam_ ," I put Castiel's hand in one bowl, letting the ashes coat his cut, and did the same with my cut hand. " _Et curabit nos simul_!" I grasped Castiel's cut and ashy hand with my own, gripping tightly. There was a flash of flame in both bowls, red flames, pure red. I felt something being polled from my heart, like my heart was literally being pulled out, and cried out in pain. Castiel's chest arched upwards as well, and I watched his eyes fly open and glow.

When the pain subsided, Castiel's eyes closed once more, and I felt like I had just had my heart ripped out and shoved back in.

"Cas?" I whispered his name weakly. I needed a nap.

A serious nap.

But I needed Castiel awake and alive more than anything else.

"Cas, please wake up." I begged him. His eyes didn't open, though. When I looked at our hands, I saw the ash had disappeared. On our palms, though, were ugly red scars that seemed to pulsate angrily.

"Please tell me I did the right thing." I whispered. "Please, please tell me I didn't just do something terrible."

Nobody answered me, though. Not Sam or Dean or Cas or God or whoever I wanted an answer from.

So I got up on unsteady feet, washed out the bowls, put them away, and when I walked back in Cas was sitting up. "Oh thank God." I ran towards him, enveloping him in a hug. He looked over at me, confused.

"What happened?" He asked.

"You… You were passed out on the floor and you weren't responding and your pulse was weak and… And I…" I took a deep breath, trying not to cry.

I'd almost lost him.

I'd almost lost _Cas_.

He'd almost been dead. If I hadn't walked in with that STUPID new theory I'd Frankensteined out of Men of Letter research, he would've been dead.

"Cas, I almost lost you." I whispered, unable to say the words any louder. If I said them louder, they'd be real. Maybe if I just whispered them, that wouldn't have happened. Maybe if I just whispered the words, Cas would be fine, he wouldn't have passed out, and I'd wake up from the awful nightmare in one of our beds, with him sleeping soundly beside me.

"Kylie, it's alright." He told me, holding me close. He ran a hand through my hair, trying his best to be soothing. "I'm here. I'm fine. I feel… I feel pretty alright, actually." He said, letting out a cough. "Still not perfect, in all honesty, but… Better than I was feeling before." He ran his hand through my hair again. "I'm alright, Kylie, don't worry."

But I was worried. He didn't know. He had no idea.

And I didn't think I could tell him. He hated me using magic that hurt me to heal him. If he found out I'd linked us like that… That I was using my own essence and soul and letting him siphon off of it…

I couldn't tell him that. I absolutely couldn't tell him that.

So we both got up, and helped each other make it to one of our rooms on unsteady feet. I don't know whose room, just SOMEONE's that was familiar and comfortable and smelled a bit like the both of us.

We both passed out, still dressed with shoes on and everything, wrapped around each other desperately. I had almost lost him, and Cas knew I'd been distressed by it. He knew something had been wrong, he just didn't know what.

I fell asleep still crying, still scared that I might lose him again if I slept. I couldn't lose him, I couldn't lose Castiel.

"I love you." I whispered, gripping his shirt as though it would keep him with me.

"I love you too." He whispered back, kissing my forehead. "It'll be alright, Kylie. I promise, it'll be alright."

So I fell asleep, feeling my hand that gripped his shirt – the hand I had cut – pulse on that ugly red scar I hoped would fade by morning.


	19. Acknowledging Reality

I didn't tell Cas. I was too afraid to. The scar on his hand had all but disappeared, and he didn't even notice it's existence, whereas the one on mine was still an ugly red, but not as big or jagged anymore. Overnight it had healed to a nice small line, thin, and barely noticeable.

That and saving Cas was the only good that the spell did for me. Every time he got sick or worse, I was the one who went and puked instead a few minutes later, and all Cas did was cough. His headaches were still there, still bad, but I took them on as well, and ended up keeping them through the night.

I could feel it draining me, draining me faster than I had anticipated. I was getting more tired, more weak, more… More like Castiel had been when he had laid on the floor.

And that, Castiel noticed. He noticed me getting weaker. He noticed me getting more tired. He noticed me getting sick alongside him.

He just had no idea why, and that was what worried him the most.

Eventually, Cas asked me a question that absolutely shocked me. It happened not long after I cast the spell, not long after we left the Bunker at Sam's request. We were in a motel room somewhere that didn't matter a whole lot, Wisconsin, I think.

"Kylie…" Castiel almost… he sounded nervous. We'd been laying in bed, just talking, with Castiel's arm around me in it's comfortable place.

"What's wrong?" I asked him, hearing the nervousness. "What, is your shirt fitting me weird?" I'd taken a habit of wearing the dress shirt he'd given me. It was comfy, and it smelled like him.

"No, it's not that." He assured me. "And I wish you would start referring it as your shirt, considering how I have not worn it in quite some time now and, frankly, it does appear to look better on you." I blushed, looking away shyly for a moment.

"So what's bugging you, Cas?"

"You… You seem to be getting sick as I do." He started. I froze, just slightly.

Did he know?

"I'm worried for your health, and I wanted to ensure that you were not…" He made a few awkward hand gestures before motioning to my stomach.

And I stifled a laugh.

"Cas, do you think that…" I took a breath, trying so hard not to laugh. "Do you think I'm pregnant?"

"You have been getting sick often, as well as getting headaches frequently and your dietary habits have changed…" Have they? That part I hadn't noticed.

At that point, though, I couldn't help it. I laughed. "Cas, we haven't done anything past, well, this," I gestured to us together on the bed. "And some very, very great kissing sessions. So unless there's something to the virgin Mary story I haven't been told about…" I let my voice trail off, motioning off in to space.

"Not particularly." Castiel answered, and I could hear him feeling awkward. "And it is alright, I know nothing has happened between us, but I wanted to ask anyways."

"I'm not pregnant, Cas." I assured him. "You're the only guy I have eyes for, and as for the sickness, I don't really know. Maybe it's a sympathy thing, like how people in relationships, when one of them actually does get pregnant, the other will start mirroring their habits. Like gaining extra weight, or headaches, and other stuff like that." I shrugged, knowing that I was lying.

I hated lying to him. I absolutely hated lying to him. It made me feel even worse than I already did.

"Maybe it's an after effect." Castiel offered. I gave him a questioning look, trying to hide my fear that he could know. "From the psychosomatic spells you kept casting. Perhaps your body is so used to being in this state, it is attempting to continue with what it has acclimated to."

I almost let out a huge sigh of relief at his rational. He didn't know. He had no idea.

"Maybe." I agreed. We both went to sleep that night at different levels of ease. Cas was still getting worse, though not nearly as rapidly anymore. I needed a new, better solution, and I needed it soon.

I considered for the umpteenth time acquiring more angel grace and force-feeding it to him. He wouldn't like it, not even in the slightest, but maybe…

No. Castiel would be pissed enough if he learned I had him siphoning off of me. If I killed another angel, stole it's grace, to save him, he'd hate me. He'd hate what I'd done.

I wished we were back at the Bunker. I could've gone back to my original thought of formulating a makeshift grace, some sort of chemical or magical equivalent. But Sam didn't want us in the Bunker, we were distracting him now.

I think Sam knew, somehow. He knew I was still doing magic, still trying to find a magical solution, and was trying to cut me off.

But when you're fighting magic against magic, trying to fight a failing grace with anything but magic, it's like moving a mountain with a toothpick and having a deadline of two hours. Doable, maybe, but only if you had more time.

And I didn't have that amount of time.

Cas didn't have that time.

The next day he was feeling worse, much worse than normal. I wasn't feeling too good either, not even in the slightest, but I couldn't let him see that. He'd thought I was pregnant, for god's sakes!

So I popped I don't know how many pills, and we agreed to split up for a few days. He would stay in Wisconsin, rest, relax, while I would go back to the Bunker to pick up some books on a few different options.

I knew Cas was humoring me. He knew he didn't have long left, and he knew I was determined to avoid that. We hadn't talked about it. I'd refused to talk about it.

"Kylie," he coughed after saying my name, and I fought back the urge to vomit. "I…"

I may not be here when you come back.

I may not make it a week.

I may be dead when you get back.

I cut him off by grabbing his shoulders and pulling him in to a kiss, a deep one. I wound my hands in his short hair, my nails lightly scratching his scalp as I kept pressing my lips against his.

I kissed him like it could be our last.

"You'll be here." I said, pulling away. "And I'll be back with a plan, an option. I'll be back and we'll fix you up, alright?"

"Alright." He nodded, looking a little dazed. I hoped it was from the kiss, and not from his health.

So I made a deadhead drive to the Bunker, forcing myself to believe that Cas would be fine. Sam had already left when I got there, chasing some lead or other. His new theory was demonic possession, but he had a specific demon now.

I called Cas, let him know I made it fine (and he let me know he was still alive), and got to work immediately. I think I made it another two days - two days of nothing but reading and theorizing and testing and reading and more theorizing and doing everything I could imagine to try and synthesize grace - before I finally sat back and acknowledged how screwed we were. It was impossible to make fake angel grace, Cas wasn't going to get any better without it, and he was determined to not take any. I couldn't find his original grace, Metatron had it well hidden, and I had no way to go ask Metatron where the hell it was.

We were so, so, so, so screwed, and I was going to have to start figuring out what to...

What to do if ( _when, Kylie,_ _ **when**_ _. You're screwed. There's nothing you can do, and now you know it_ ) Cas couldn't make it anymore.

And sadly, it all got worse after that. Much, much, much worse.


	20. Author Here, Writing 2 U

Hey, guys, it is WriKai once again! This is, sadly, the end of this book (I know, cliffhanger, GOD WriKai why would you do that?), BUT the next installment is already up. Check out "No Relationship Is Easy" whenever, and as always, thank you all so much for continually following and reading and offering ideas... I really love how interested you guys get in this story and it truly does make my day.

As always, and critic, comments, or ideas that you want to message to me, feel free to! I love it, and if I chose to run with it I'll more than likely ask you to beta it so I can see what you think!

Love you all, grateful to you all, keep reading!


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